Saturday, March 23, 2013

It's never like the first love....

I was just a girl from Michigan. I had only been here in Cali for a few years. I had loved people, yes but I had not ever been in love. Feeling all those things that people write and sing about. Maybe I never even really knew what love was. Its not as if I felt incredibly loved as a child. Or even seen for that matter. Yet that was about to change.

The first time I remember meeting this man was at Tommy Tangs.  I had seen pictures because we were all at the same agency struggling as young wanna be actors. But we had never met. It was a casual dinner that I showed up to with CP. He was such a sweet soul.  RIP. He was good to me and I knew he loved me and I loved him but I was not in love with him. So we went and to be honest I cannot even remember who else was there with the exception of this beautiful young man.

He wore faded blue jeans, beat up black high top converse, an old white t shirt with  vintage vest over it. He sat right next to me, to my left. And I saw a tattoo peeking out on his right upper arm. It was a Cherokee indian chief head with ceremonial feather head dress. I touched it....electricity.....I told him I liked it.  I asked why that for his tattoo. He shared that he was three quarters Cherokee.  I remember his kind hearted, deep brown eyes. His almost feminine, beauty of a face. How he was not like everyone else, he was himself. Original. Funny. Smart. Sexy. A bit shy.  Who knew in a short amount of time he would become MY tattooed love boy.

I remember the next time we saw each other. I was leaving my audition for an AFI film called Dummies. Directed by the wonderful Laurie Frank. She is fond of saying,"There's casting and there's DIVINE casting." I can still remember walking up the street in west LA. with all the cool houses built in the 30's. As I left my reading I saw sweet JD was walking towards me. His hair a lovely mess, super cool sunglasses and I felt that kind heart that I met once before. Mine skipped a beat. I simply got giddy around this man. Like my soul had been searching for him for a long long time. I simply said hi and scurried along.

Memories are not always easy to come by so things may have occurred in between what I share but this is what I remember. We got cast.  Both of us!!!! As did the darling Max Perlich who bare witness to our love story and became our adopted son. Max was 16, JD was 21 and I was 19. We all met for a read through at Laurie's house, the same we had auditioned at. My name was spelled wrong on a call sheet. It said Sherilyn Fur. I forever became Fur to this sweetheart. Then Fur fucker. Terms of endearment are so personal. And oddly beautiful.

There was an odd older man doing props, I think. And he went under the table and put a grape in between my toes. A drama for me as I have an awful memory of being in second grade and a boy named Danny went under our 6 desks put together and kissed my knees!!!!! His face is scribbled out in the Elmwood school picture. But my reaction was big and JD helped. It was then I learned that he had a sort of foot fetish and he loved my goofy fat feet. It took the sting out of the weird moment and a nickname was earned to boot.

JD was in a relationship that had ended he felt. Other details are not mine to share. But suffice to say it was not the real first love situation that we both admittedly were in the process of falling into. We spent many long hrs on the set filming. Into the wee hrs of the morning. We talked incessantly about...well...everything. Became so close the energy was palpable. Maxie there the whole time playing, watching, getting in trouble, just being Max, our son.

At some point JD came to visit me at my home I shared with my mother and my big brother Leo. Our dogs had just had puppies, maybe that was the excuse. Or it was the big old black Lab that I found and was keeping until I found her a home. I named her Lady, JD named her Bug. Go figure. As I said, an original he was. And is.

He came into my room that was downstairs in a tri level house. We talked and talked as usual. Hung out with the animals. He loved animals as I do. Then at a certain point it was time for him to leave as much as I longed for him to never leave. As we left my room, he grabbed me, pushed me against the wall, said ,"This never happened" and kissed was lovely. The deal was sealed. No turning back now. But what did he mean?????????

In retrospect I think it meant, this is just between us....for now. As he was still finishing cleaning up another situation. For me, I knew when he left that I had fallen helplessly in love. This is what it feels like. OMG!!!!!! I felt wonderful. I danced. I pranced. I sang out loud.  Then, scary and honest fact is that the second emotion I felt pretty quickly  after that recognition was utter fear. Fear that it would go away. Fear that it would change. Fear that he maybe did not feel the same way. It was an emotional roller coaster.

I had never seen love or relationships work in my lifetime. Ever. Maybe Grandpa and Grandma, but she seemed miserable. That was not what I wanted. But I went on the ride. Willingly. Gladly. Ecstatically. This man was good to me. We had a lot of fun. A few nights while they were setting up shots, we would walk around in the cold with the street lights humming planning our future. We were gonna live in Europe because its more artistic there. We both had long, vintage overcoats with our arms wrapped tightly around each other.

We would sit in my little cream Corvette talking while Maxie skate boarded around the car threatening to smash into to it. We yelled at him like good parents but really we couldn't of cared less. We had each other and it was new love. And it was a beautiful thing. Even spent a few nights at Max's because we shot some scenes there. Staying up late, climbing trees, "bogging the dax" as JD would say. And were awakened  in the morning to walls shaking with the heavy bass of Brick House. It was idyllic.

This is all I choose to share. Inspired by recent fb posts by friends. I am thankful to have been taken back. Good night...xxxooo


  1. Sherilyn, I'm so happy you're sharing again! Your writing always touches and inspires me on a deep level, as does your honestly. This particular story brought a big smile to my face.
    I also smiled when you mentioned Roy London in your last post. What a special human being he was. It's hard to believe this August will mark 20 years since his passing.
    God bless, Sherilyn. Please keep writing no matter what. This is a special gift you have that deserves to be shared with the world!

  2. Wow. My heart skipped a beat while I read this. Ahhhh love. I remember that feeling of first deep love as well. Feels like so long ago doesn't? And its amazing how much a person can change and evolve since the first. I loved reading your beautiful and sweet memories. Thank you for sharing!! Here is to making more! xox Bunny

  3. Hello,

    Thank you for this blog post, I think it might be your best effort. It is an honest piece. I especially like:

    "Terms of endearment are so personal. And oddly beautiful."

    Ain't that the truth. Thanks for exposing a few of your term of endearment. It takes guts to do so, for as you say, they are all so odd and personal!

    JD is so winning during his interviews with David Letterman; I can almost hear him saying the things you mention in your entry.


  4. Hi,

    I just discovered your blog today. I read them all, completely enveloped in your tales to tell. I love the fact that you are so honest in your writing. It's humorous, enlightening, heartbreaking, inspiring, and very,very refreshing. I will admit I came here thinking (kind of star struck) "Ooooh, Sherilyn Fenn has a blog! That's got to be a pretty good read." I was thinking it was of course going to be filled with juicy Hollywood exploits and celebrity aloofness. What you are writing, is so, so much better than what my silly pre-conceived notions were. Honest, soul laid bare, almost stream of consciousness writing. I hope to see you writing on a regular basis, thought I can't really say anything, I haven't written since 2009. Maybe it's time for a change! Thank you kindly.


  5. There is nothing like falling in love! :)

  6. simply beautiful... i love love.... thanks for allowing us a peak into that private world..

  7. First love is always so sweet....

  8. Good day to you...I spotted the (your) Elizabeth Taylor bio-movie on Youtube last night...I enjoyed it greatly...almost forgot it was a movie!:-)