Monday, December 21, 2009

I have rage....

I am feeling rage right now. I am infuriated by peoples sleep and lack of need to be honest. People who walk through life with their mask firmly in place. Maybe I am SO mad because I did it for so long. I don't know . It ALWAYS has to do with us I feel. But I do know that it threatens to rip apart SO much in my life.

I am no good at saying things tactfully. But I am working on it. I call it as I see it, and as you have heard me say, I get in big trouble for that. And yet, I do not give a shit . I want to be with peeps who get me and who speak their truth as well. They do not have to agree with me. In fact its better when they do not for I can learn from another perspective. But they must have the courage to say whats up. Truthfully.

I seriously would rather be alone than deal with bullshit small talk, jokes and lies. For me, peeps come together to share TRUTH not false bravado. I am bored by the human condition and no longer am claiming it as my own.

I step OUT of the tribe and that condition. In fact, I RUN out of it. I would rather be alone with my truth then surrounded by masses in their collective sleep. Their collective fear. Their masks. Their collective bullshit. I am declaring that I am officially over it all. I say this to the universe and all who care to listen.

I am fueled by the support I have gotten from having the courage to actually put my truth out there. This is a part of each and everyone of you. And has been reflected in my shares. Not "blogs" but shares. I am here only to illuminate MY human struggle in hopes that a. I can be clearer and that b. you can be touched and inspired to declare your own.

Nobody is better than or more important a person than ANYONE else!! And celebrity does not mean shit. I know this to be true. I hope you do too. Sending love and light out in a crazy time here on this planet and in this lifetime.


  1. Yes, it can get tiresome. But hanging out in certain circles, where the hard currency is the show they put on for each other, can give you that experience.

    I think the human condition is about the simplest things. Fear being a prime motivator. And when people are afraid that they might not be relevant, beautiful, rich, or powerful -- that these things could be taken away at any moment -- they often overcompensate and quite frankly lose sight of what's important.

    Maybe the trick is to show them the light, by example.

  2. It is always good to pay attention to the things in us that cause rage. Sometimes it has to do with a time and mentality we've worked on and gotten through (and we're totally over it), but other times it's because the rage causing thing violates one of our personal sacred truths/values. Did you really used to be asleep or dishonest? I wonder if at the time you thought you were telling your truth? I think people progress/unfold and that we try to tell a version of the truth moment to moment, but the longer we live, the clearer things get...but it's a process. Hopefully your example will help others around you unfold as well.

  3. I do not have the RAGE for people or for the world, I have the sadness... uh?
    And sometimes my sadness can be taken as rage... uh?
    I try to keep smiling :)

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  5. I completely understand and have felt that rage. It's tiring dealing with people's fakeness and bullshit. I refer to that mask as the "narcissistic mask". Everybody has a little bit of narcissism, but then there are people that are full blown (especially in the industry you work in... Madonna being a perfect example). People need to start being real with themselves. Once we're able to be true to ourselves, we're able to be real with others. So many people are worried about their image and ego, they seem to forget about what's really important in life. They can't be truthful because they're so damn worried what others will think of them. The sad part about it is that people can't change themselves if they're perception is so way off that they can't even see the improvements they need to make. I hope with aging these people start removing their masks, let go of their ego, and start being real.

    What keeps me going everyday and not get too consumed with the rage is to think of all the great people I have in my life that love me for me (flaws and all). After spending 8 years with a narcissist, I can smell bullshit from a mile away. When I smell it, I walk the other way (or bust them out in it-- if it's worth it).

    Sherilyn, I hope you keep sharing. Your writing is not only very interesting, but it's also extremely refreshing. You speak the truth and that's just one of the many reasons why you have so many loyal fans.

  6. I think I know the feeling you are describing Sherilyn. Consciousness or awareness or whatever term you want to use is a thing that evolves over time and evolves depending on the types of experiences we have and people who teach us about life as well as environmental factors I think. Since starting meditation seriously about 6 years ago, I feel like my consciousness and awareness has grown a lot...which is beautiful in a way but also vert scary and maddening sometimes too when I look around myself and see so many others that seem totally clueless or "asleep" as you say.

    I'm not really sure what advice I could give you to cope with these strong unpleasant feelings. I suppose it is a matter of practicing patience and compassion with others on a daily basis and sometimes even on a second by second basis and also advocating for what you think is the most effective in helping others to evolve in their thinking and awareness.

    Maybe continued writing on the subject will be helpful. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and frustrations. You are not alone.

  7. Thank you Sherilyn for venting and getting your truth out. I got a bullcrap phone call from the Dr. office today and I have rage well, I had to calm myself down. I don't know why, "Expect the unexpected" has been following me. I have to spend unnecessary money for another test that was "inconclusive" Hubby and I have been trying to have a baby for 8 yrs. We have plans to do invitro and we are on a tight budget. God bless you and your family. Live in the light and don't let shadows take over.

  8. I'm also so over dishonestly and the bullshit of small talk, having to kiss ass in social situations, etc. But when I say this, I have to admit that I've been dishonest to quite a number of people in my time so far on this earth. Sometimes it's been intentional, other times inadvertent. I know I'm basically a good person, but I've made a lot of choices that have caused pain or hurt to others. I don't what the answer is for me. I'm just trying to live a productive life, but it's so fucking hard. Life, and relationships, for that matter, are complicated, messy, wonderful, frustrating, sad, joyous, often all at once. It's rarely black and white, mostly varying shades of gray. Thank you Sherilyn for having the courage to honestly share your feelings from the heart. Your honestly inspires me to try to be a better person.