Saturday, September 22, 2012

In the flaws is the perfection

Good morning Vietnam.....just kidding. It is an amazing time in the world I feel. It is time to keep having this creative sharing and outlet. I am not sure what this post is about but a voice, one of the many inside of me says its a good time to write.  I must begin to write on a weekly basis.

I am excited to be working again as an actress, my former life.  I am doing an arc (which means a few episodes) of the show Magic City on Starz.  My dear friend Mitch Glazer is the writer and creator. His gorgeous wife and partner on almost 20 years Kelly Lynch is on the show as well.  They have the kind of relationship I aspire to.

When I got the call I was ecstatic. I had in fact been praying that a good job would come my way. One with people I loved, I'd even settle for people that I liked, that was a good show. One that I just did a supporting role. I have no desire to carry a show anymore.

I also prayed  that I'd be taken care of on a real set instead of the little jobs of the past few months. Ones where there was not even a space to be alone. Nothing. Sometimes I was reduced to bringing my own clothes and doing my own make up. Sitting in my car with AC blasting to have a private space. Ridiculous.

It takes a lot of the fun out of coming together with adept people in the business and creating something worthwhile. Ego driven people yelling on the set at crew, not feeding people properly, paying them almost nothing. An unwillingness to collaborate. Again, too much ego. That never makes for a good experience.

Having been away from a real set has humbled me so. Now to even have a little space to call my own to prepare, I am so grateful now. Having some turkey on a craft services table, thrilled. A first class airline ticket, what???  People to come together with and help me create a character. I forgot it could be like this.

Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for the jobs that came and I got to pay some bills. It is just that without the other things in place, it is really difficult. It does not honor the creative process at all. I mean, not even a small space to be alone???  And makes me feel like I am just get the money for my family. But as a dear friend said, whats wrong with whoring to help feed the family.

I have spent much of the past 5 years with my son Christian, getting him therapy for his autism. The business had reflected for years at that point my own rejection of myself so it was a welcome change. Now to go back into the business its been if-y for me .....until this job.

Magic City  give the scripts weeks ahead of time so I can properly prepare. They even got me the entire 1st season so that I would know the tone of the show and assist my entry into this magical world.  They made me a dress. Put extensions in my hair to be correct for the era. My cup runneth over.

I told Mitch that he has pulled me out of the proverbial trash can this town put me in. I , now having more accountability realize as I said earlier. Everything is a mirror and I put myself there. With old, untrue beliefs from my childhood. Things that are finally dying. More specifics in a future blog.

I am grateful for all that has come and gone in my life. Everything. Oddly..... I feel I  learned most from the negative and ugly things. As they showed me parts of myself that somewhere deep inside I still was afraid might be true. That these things will always be a part of the tapestry of who I am is another thing I now accept.  In this acceptance there is so much freedom.

Speaking of character is based upon a famous Madam from the 40's-50's, Madame Sherri. I read her book. She called herself the Queen of Whoredom, so I have adopted it as my own nickname. Pleasure is my business she would say. IT was also the name of her book.

This is the opportunity for me to have a sort of healing. As with most roles I have played, they seem to always parallel my life. To play a woman of ill repute. A woman who is protective of the innocence she exploits. That in my career I did bring people pleasure. An ownership of my lineage. A healing.

I pray she, Madam Renee or Lady Renee as they call her in Magic City will be layered and people will like her and love her. But if they don't I don't really care because I DO. Maybe for the first time in my 47 years on the planet. I finally can say I DO. TO me and only to me. I finally understand that I am all I ever really wanted. The real me.

And I am perfect just as I am.......


  1. Your blog post title is like the cherry on top of a cake. I've always liked you and appreciate that you set an example by doing this public, yet so personal, writing exercise in self exploration.

  2. Congratulations! I look forward to watching Magic City!

  3. Guess I shall have to wait for the Magic City series to reach the italian shores then.... I am curious now!
    And it is fantastic in times like these to know that there is somebody out there who is working on something gratifying.
    So will you be writing more about this, in the incoming weeks?

    take good care

  4. I just discovered your blog a few weeks ago. I think it’s wonderful that you are open to sharing your thoughts and ideas with the rest of the world. Also, that’s great news on the new gig. I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that television just isn’t the same without you. Finally, thank you for all the entertainment you’ve provided over the years. You’re the best!

    - Christopher

  5. "In the flaws is the perfection", so very, very true. I'm so glad to hear that you are healing. It's such a slow process, isn't it? And when the switch is flipped, it's like a veil is lifted, really and truly. I hope things continue to improve and that you continue to heal, grow, and love yourself.

    Wishing you the best,

  6. So, am I reading too much into your post or should I not even bother with "Raze"? Was looking forward to seeing it because you're in it, but that was the only reason. Can't wait for "Magic City"! Congrats!

  7. Sincerely wishing you and yours all the best. Happy to read an update here. Thanks for sharing with us. Will look forward to future updates.

  8. Hi Sherilyn,

    I've been a long time fan of yours and wanted to touch base with you that I'm very happy to see you have decided to blog again!!

    I always thought that in the 90s, you were "teetering" on becoming an A-list huge movie star. Every true fan of yours knows quite well that you didn't want to be part of the "Hollywood game". I have always been on the fence with your decision because I truly believe that you could have gone all the way on YOUR terms.

    Here's some advice: Spend some time and watch every single movie and tv show (you might actually enjoy this!) you have ever made and watch how you have blossomed into an amazing talented actor throughout the years.

    Your decision to take on ..what's the word here..."intense" or maybe roles that other actors just could not pull off..well you pulled them off. Nobody else could have but you.

    So,there is so much more that I would like to say to you, but I will just leave this blog as ...Here's to you, lovely Icon to so many and absolutely beautiful inside and out. Don't ever forget that you are loved immensely and there are people that really do appreciate everything that you have accomplished and will accomplish.

    ...Thank you for all of your contributions you have made. (By the way, did you know that Zalman King died in February 2012? RIP Z.K.)

    Love ya,


  9. Really looking forward to watching you own this role!

  10. As always, thank you for sharing!


  11. So fine words and thoughts. Thanx for sharing. Best of luck to you,
    enjoy your new work!

    Lars from Copenhagen. Denmark

  12. Hi, Sherilyn! I'm glad you're back to writing again. We're all looking forward to Magic City! Best of luck and stay amazing! :)


  13. FINALLY.. I have been waiting to read your insightful words once again.. Congrats on your new show.. I pray it brings u everything u deserve.. Best of luck to an amazing talented lady~

  14. I am 44 and retired now after a pretty traumatic life event. Coupled with the stresses of being in sales. I was an excellent salesman but never really liked what I was selling. It is interesting you mention feeling like you were whoring yourself. That is exactly how I felt about my life! I was doing something I was talented at but not in an area or level I enjoyed and I often compared it to whoring myself out.

    I put on a positive face, that most times was not how I was feeling and did a job to collect money. I was acting and doing a fine job of it but it was a less than worthy role.

    Parallels of life, they are an amazing thing. We all share the same human experiences regardless of our paradigm.

  15. Good luck!!! It's going to be great to see you again!

  16. Dear Sherilyn,

    can't wait to watch those episodes here in Europe!

    I have been a huge fan of your art all over the years and it's simply wonderful that you enjoy being out there on the set again.

    Best of luck and lots of love from Germany

  17. Nice to see you carrying on with your blog, as well as your acting career. Interesting you playing a madam considering your scenes in Twin Peaks when Audrey gets a job at One Eyed Jacks and has to deal with the proprietor there. Full circle.

    I really like your writing. You mentioned writing a book once. I hope you haven't abandoned the idea.

    best of luck

  18. Hi Sherilyn,

    We met this last Friday at the HorrorHound Con in Indianapolis. I’m the one who helped your assistant move the table, and then proceeded to cry when I told you how much you mean to me. I’m so sorry for making a scene. I thought I could hold it together, but then all my emotions welled up before I could stop them. I know you may not remember me since there were an awful lot of people who wanted your attention. But, I meant everything said; I have admired you since the Twin Peaks days, so…about 23 years? I was a little girl when Twin Peaks aired, but the show made a strong impact on me, and you especially. A girl needs to have strong, intelligent female role models and you were (and are) a force of nature! Still, it wasn’t until a few years ago when I found your blog that I began to really love you. While I don’t know exactly what it’s like to be you, I can relate to your internal struggle. I had a really hard upbringing too, so I think there are some shared experiences between us. Also, I’m a person that wears their emotions on their sleeve and it’s opened me up to a lot of hurt over the years. Being so open and honest about your struggle has actually helped me with mine. Like you’ve said before, we’re all connected. Your blog helps remind me of that. Maybe it’s sad that so many people can have so many shared experiences of pain, but it does feel better to know that we aren’t alone in our struggles.

    I’m rambling, so I’ll just say thank you for taking the time to talk with me for a moment at the convention. Meeting you is up there with my wedding day in terms of happy, defining moments in my life. If you’d like to keep in touch, my email address in

    Thank you so much for being the amazing person that you are. You make a difference in other people’s lives and you are priceless gem of a human being.

    Lots of love,