Sunday, September 5, 2010

Oh, To Dream...

As my sweet household slumbers in these wee morning hours, I sit sipping my morning coffee feeling contented and peaceful. The sliding glass door to our yard is open and the air is cool on my bare feet touching the wood floor. I hear some birds occasionally tweeting their morning signals of light and the beginning of a new day. They seem as happy as I that the sun has not reached its merciless highs that it will as the day proceeds. Content to soak up this refreshingly cool and quiet time of day. It is my favorite time of day. Before all the deafening hummmm of people's technology and appliances drowns out the subtle birds and breeze. Before the rushed energy of the have nots and gottas do's is awakened.

A yappy dog is barking and even that seems in sync with it all. How do I sustain this moment? Why must everything change and change? Yet how god-awful and boring if it did not. It just seems to me that I have struggled for so long... Since I was a young child and realized that I was kind of on my own. An alien in my own family and needed to seek out a more evolved tribe of which to be a part. I have been seeking this tribe for most of my life.  I have found one in my man, my children and a few friends. I have even found some of them here on this God box... Oddly enough.

I always wonder when the amazingly perfect chapters of my life will start. You know women, the ones that we were fed as little girls. The ones that start with........"And they lived HAPPILY ever after." Those that mark the beginning of a new life where there is only positive beautiful things happening. Where I will run through a field of white flowers and tall, warm high grass. Where there is a weeping willow before me with a small pond that it dips into for a sip of the cool clean water. Where the sky is blue and the sun beats warmly on my head and shoulders. Where some beautiful inspired Kate Bush Wuthering Heights play and I dance a strange eclectic ballet of my own making as I do only when I am certain no one can see me.

Then I awaken from this dream and into another as I hear my Christian James at the top of the stairs. I go to him and as I see his beautiful, still half asleep 3 year old face my heart jumps. He stands there in a white wife beater and red skull and crossbones pj shorts awaiting me cradling his long lean clone of daddy body down the stairs. I bury my face into his sweet smelling hair, caressing his soft skin and again I wish to be nowhere but here. This a different kind of heaven but equally if not more potent.

He climbs into our big red ice cooler and hides inside it with sheer delight. His world at this age is always new and joyful. For he feels what he feels as he feels it, expresses it fully and LOUDLY, then moves gracefully into the next moment.  I admire him so. I learn from him all day long. And diligently do my job as I did with my now 16 year let them know how deeply and truly they are loved. How lucky I am to be graced and blessed with both of their presences in my life. I give them my heart, my body, my everything. And in return I open to a love unlike anything I have ever known and am then able to go deeper into my existing relationships.

As I am writing right now, my boy nurses from one side to the other. Taking ownership of what he believes to be his and his alone much to daddy's dismay. What has been his domain since he was only hours new to this planet. It brings him health and great security. I am in awe that my 45 year old body can provide for him this way. As I did for my other son who is as healthy as he is not by accident. Another miracle. It is no less than this. The miraculous in the seeming mundane. A few minutes of nourishment and he is off, back to the yard, chasing the cat, climbing into the red cooler......this is my running through the fields. His talking and humming is my Kate Bush. My soundtrack in these moments.

His stare, be it long or short brings me into the grace of this moment. The smile in his eyes. The deep knowing. The spirit. He has rescued me from Hollywood and all its lies and trappings. As my Myles tried to. But without an in tact, true blue man to assist it was not possible. Besides, then I was still seeking the golden ring. I still thought it held something that would fill me. Now I know better. I see the young start ups and am thankful to not be them. Thankful to not be the "ingenue." Thankful to be a woman, a mother, an awake spirit not asleep to the lies anymore. Be they from a fairy tale, a bullshit business based on illusions and ego or a family as dysfunctional and lost as most are. I am free.

So what I see is that it is all a dream. Some light and some dark but all equally beautiful.


  1. It is getting dark here, England's familiar feeling, mainly it is rainy and dull, yet this is my favourite weather. As you sit in the morning quiet, the calm before the storm, I sit with the trees blowing furiously, reminding me of my little self compared to nature. It's strange how you find the magic when you grow up,it takes a different form, whereas the child sees magic in it all.The simple becomes the magic...hearing yourself breathe, seeing a child's smile,the first caffeine hit...simple...but chaos lies around the corner,and you equally welcome it.Life is a double edged

  2. Beautiful and full of wisdom.

    "So what I see is that it is all a dream. Some light and some dark but all equally beautiful."

    This touch my soul today, thank you very much Sherilyn.

  3. A beautiful expression of this Grace of Life-that's surrounding us all-if we take the time to look,&soak it all in.
    Thanks for sharing the love.

  4. Sherilyn - This makes my day today. Life is good for me, and so happy its good for you today as well. I too was up early this morning here in Rochester Hills, Mi, sitting on my front deck at the break of dawn with my coffee watching the many new fawns that were born a couple months ago still with there spots all over. It is a time when you cherish what u have, wonder what the future holds - including wondering when our mortality here will come to close and just how much more contributions to humanity we have left in us. In is so uplifting to both hand out warmth to humanity.....and to receive the warmth from humanity that we have so impacted. I am a true and straight sole, having lived 59 years now and seek those who have had similar intentions, warmth and light in their lives. Warmest to you and your family and the way you write, it would be a real treat to see a screenplay for either a short or full production. You certainly seem to have the talent based upon how you write your blogs. I certainly would support it financially to the extent I could. Warmest to You and Yours. StantheMan. Michigan is proud to have had you, Mary Lynne, Kristen and others call it home here. I visit the LA area on business a half dozen times a year on business, and although its nice to visit, its too busy and put on for me to consider living there full time, unless my career required it.

  5. You have reminded me that I need to let go of all the nonsense and just feel. Enjoy the little things. Going on day to day I seem to forget this and I let the negative in my life control me. But tonight when I get off work either late into the night or in the wee hours of the morning, I am just going to stop, look, and listen. I am going to take it all in. And I thank you for that reminder.
    Keep writing and keep shining.


  6. Shine on, enlightened one. You may not think people are affected by the radiance you send forth -- but they are. People you will never meet or see, like me and my love, are moved by your words. It all ripples outward... thank you for this.

  7. S.F.,
    Very lovely and perceptive. I ditto so many things you write of (the struggle, the "alien" feeling, etc...) I am attempting more and more to take time out of my day and just be grateful to still be alive in this world that seems to get crazier by the second. To take in nature for all its beauty. It can be difficult (I'm pessimistic by nature and kind of a born cynic) but I am attempting to have a more positive outlook.
    I love the music of Kate Bush, also. I really wasn't familiar with her work until I started reading your shares and Twitter postings. Your high praises of her really sparked my interest and I like her work a lot. "The Morning Fog" is a song that touches my soul deeply and that song, like Wuthering Heights, touches on themes that you just wrote about.
    I know you don't like to watch things about yourself, but on Youtube there's footage of the panel discussion from the Twin Peaks Festival. At the end of the final video, there's a lovely moment where Dylan and Christian come on and it's very cute. I wish you and your beautiful family a happy and safe Labor Day.


  8. Sherry! ,

    Your words sound as if you live these moments and you let them go. What you do not think that you live simply and purely. The joy of living and being with people who love you and love you too. Happiness.

    I have another issue that has no direct relationship with your this blog. You have written a sentence on the tweeter, here it is :
    "Would you have liked to hear those words from your father? I feel it feeds kids to hear it."
    How can you fall so fair, so it took me several years to discover this?
    I think you have a diamond inside of you and he asks only to shine. Let it shine with those you love and multiply this around you, if not done already.

    You are very surprising and (!!!!) on the bright side.


    love and light,

    Damien. (or Dam - I do prefer "Dam" :-) )

  9. Thanks Sherilyn, how lovely!
    I want a baby too!!!!!

  10. Babooshka + Watching You Without Me are my favourite Kate Bush songs.XXX

  11. Hi there,

    Nice to see that you're doing well. Family will tend to keep you grounded.

    Looking forward to your appearance on the show 'Psych'. A fun reunion with Dana Ashbrook I gather. Loved your scenes when Audrey successfully kept Bobby at bay in Twin Peaks. They were friends anyway, as much as Audrey could have one anyway. I imagine you two kept in touch.

    I am rather disappointed that 'The Scenesters' has not received distribution or a dvd release. I started looking for it at Blockbuster (haven't tried Netflix yet) and never saw it. At this point I'm looking for it on You Tube, etc. I've enjoyed the Vacationeers on there. I wonder if Todd Berger has given up? I did see a video of him discussing alternate distribution methods.

    All the best Sherilyn, and I'll keep reading.

  12. Wait until you look into the eyes of a grandchild...I have 3 now and they are a constant amazement and reminder of how much the world has changed in my 54 years and yet how little it has changed as well!

    Thank you for being you and allowing me to find you here!


  13. Dear Sherilyn!

    Thank you!
    You are a happy mother! It feels. You have deserved to be this wonderful woman now!
    And I am so glad, that you adore Kate Bush!

  14. Thanks CCW for the heads up re the question and answers what a treat for those who couldn't be there.... when are you going to bring it over here to London?
    I have added the videos to our Sherilyn Page to make it easier for you to find them!
    Also what a wonderful post Sherilyn, I read it last night and just made me wish you would write a book, not really a hollywood book just an autobiography... I dont know if you have ever checked out Dirk Bogardes autobiographies but they are wonderful, they don't focus on his film career as much as they do his thoughts and real life.... have a great day Lucy xx

  15. I'm very cheered to discover that Sherilyn is also a fan of Kate Bush -- confirms my high opinion of her good taste.

  16. Eloquent and powerful. This has moved me beyond expression here...being a "new" Mom/Aunt to a little boy and feeling so torn between allowing myself to let go and love maternally, fearing he will be taken and reunited with the one who had neglected him. I hope to be able to give him this kind of love, as he deserves (as my daughter sees from me daily). This is inspiration. Thank you!

  17. Sherilyn,

    A beautiful entry. I just had a son in October and this really moved me.

    Glad you, Christian and the family are in such a wonderful place.

    Peace and love,

    PS, Kate Bush is often the soundtrack to my life, great choice.
    Christian Harmony

  18. Such beautiful imagery and expression; thank you for sharing that morning with us. Having just happened upon your blog, I see I have a lot of reading to catch up on :)