Tuesday, May 11, 2010

With eyes to see....

Is it me or is the world and life SO much more difficult than its ever been. I felt sick at some of the weird responses to my last post and kind of went into hiding. I begin to question if this blog is smart to do....to put myself and my truth out there. You see, it is fragile. Like me. I am just a fragile and somewhat lost person bumping around a crazy world.

Then I miss having a place to share. When I hear others experiencing similar things, I feel a little less crazy. I remember that a lot of this is the sign of the times. I guess I am still contracted. I sit here and do not know what to write. It just does not feel as safe somehow. I am too sensitive. I need a thicker skin.

I will carry on nonetheless.......

I sometimes can step so deeply into the moment that it brings tears to my eyes. All the beauty that is here. All the beauty that the screaming hall of scholars in my mind (as I am fond of calling them) DROWN it out. But when this feeling the moment occurs, I feel so free. So thankful for everything. I can really see the trees, the flowers, feel the air, hear the sounds and reject nothing. The way life itself does this. It rejects nothing.

Why is man so arrogant? Why do we accept what we like and reject all else. Like chopping off the Dobermans tail and ears. Oh yes, it SO much better that way. WHAT? I had the horrible misfortune of taking my brothers dogs puppies to the vet to get their tails and their duke claws snipped off.

I unfortunately did not get out the door quick enough to avoid the agonizing squeals as they did the deed to one of those poor puppies. The sound haunts me to this day. It is my silence of the lambs.....

It was similar to my baby Christian James first birthday party. It was planned stupidly NOT in our home and was a disaster for too many reasons to go into. But as we left the house and were packing up our car to escape....... I could hear all the balloons we had ordered for the party being popped, killed, destroyed, again and again.

It SO brought back these moments of horror for me and confirmed that this was not the place to have had my boys party. I did not listen to my instincts. I try to do better with that now.

The instinctive/conscience voice is a quiet voice and usually the first thought that arises. Then the mind and the ego come charging in, hot on its trail and desperate to create a problem/drama that it can now solve.

It is quite a trip being a human....being. With all my years of searching, it is still hardest to turn knowledge into being. And silly of me most likely to feel there is something I can do to make this happen.

It seems in this moment in my life, everything leads back to the fact that I have zero control over anything. And I mean anything. That I never did and never will. That I am not breathing, I am being breathed.

It is so obvious when my heart does what it does with no help from me. All senses firing away with nothing to do with me. It is as I always come back to .....we are the miracle we are looking for.

Then why so sad and confused.....because for me this has not turned into being. But I have faith that it will. Life has not forgotten me or any of us. It will just never look the way that we think it should.

Its better.....but only with eyes to see.

I do completely believe the saying:

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.

God bless.


  1. Hi Sherilyn;

    Just arrived to your blog. I kind of feel like you say in the post. Nothing new under the sun. We all know the world is ruled by the human side, and the price to pay for being "spiritual" is the feeling you describe. And is why we all evolve.

    Just need to adapt ourselves and keep what each one of us appreciates. And now and them, be bad.


  2. I just wanted to say that I like what you have to say, and in the world we live in, its nice to be able to read something with truth, no pretension, and that is something to be proud of. So as long as you're writing I'm gonna keep reading.

  3. It is so GREAT to read your words Sherilyn! PLEASE continue to share. We need people like you to continue to shine light and truth into this crazy world. If you ever feel like you have nothing to write about, here are some share suggestions I thought of:

    -Working with the lovely and dearly-missed Lynn Redgrave on Rude Awakening

    - Continuing your Prince share

    - More shares of studying with the amazing Roy London and being directed by him in Diary of a Hitman

    - Sharing your experiences with animals. I know you're an animal lover and have several dogs, so maybe you could share some stories or views on the spiritual connection between humans and animals

    - Share more crazy experiences of filming on location. Or how about working on your very first film (I believe it was Out of Control?)

    - Experiences with your children

    These are things that just popped into my head. Remember to not let negative/crazy comments get to you. If someone doesn't like what you have to say, they need to go somewhere else. And I'm so happy your Chiller experience went well. I've heard nothing but wonderful things from people who met you at the event. One person in particular said how fabulous you were in taking the time to kindly talk to everyone one on one and how you graciously posed for photos.
    Bless you Sherilyn and keep writing!!

  4. Sherilynn - Thank You for shariing your thoughts. I believe the truly good people (like yourself) always seem to feel our skin is too thin and we always seem to have reservations about speaking our feelings, that sense of vulnerability and fragility. In the end, do we really have any control? That is a very, very striking thought for which you have figured out the answer.

    Please remember, although your just a girl from Michigan, you have more sense, sensibility and sensitivity to those around you than most others because you really, truly care....and you shall continue to feel the warmth in return from those you have shined your light on.

    Being a senior executive at a Fortune 100 Company for years, I can understand the negative feelings that can also come from what seems an undaunting number of people coming from out of the woodwork. My way of dealing with that was to keep reminding myself that there are those who have lost their way and/or are plainly just not nice people. Being lost is one thing, but there is no excuse for plainly being a mean person.

    Please keep expressing your thoughts. There are those of us who listen and are plainly just good people.

    Warmest Regards,


  5. Sherilyn,

    This really hit home with something I'm going through right now. My dog died over the weekend and I'm still trying to cope with the idea of never hearing her bark again, never having her curl up in my lap for a midday nap, never pouring food in her bowl again, and never drawing comfort from her wagging tail. It was out of my control and I've lost someone very precious to me.

    And I have no idea of how to deal with it.

    I've spent the last three days in the worst funk imaginable and just now, reading your post, I can gain some comfort in the idea that it wasn't ever in my control in the first place. I don't have super powers and I couldn't miraculously heal her. Time took her from me and that's all she wrote. I loved her and she returned that love with that unconditional way only dogs can.

    Despite my grief I feel I can finally start to accept the fact that she's gone.

    Thank you and God bless,

  6. Thanks for sharing again. It's a crazy world we live in so let your faith guide you. Hubby & I had a hurdle to cross and now we need doors to be opened. We left a bad situation and of all places...church. Lot's of jealousy, vindictiveness, derogatory remarks just to name a few. What a mess! We will not let the negative people bring us down, we will prevail! Please keep me in your prayers as hubby & I have been trying for 8 yrs. to have a child. God bless you and keep shining.

  7. I still think your writing is interesting and refreshingly open. And, yes, it does take a thick skin to have a blog, or put yourself out there in any public way. But, you can take comfort in the fact that most people who critique aren't terribly serious (and their opinions not important in the overall scheme of things). It's just talk. Anyway, rooting for you, as always!

  8. IMO (what the hell do I know), in order to really understand life, we have to know we're all exactly the same. There's no difference between me and anyone else in the world except our life experiences. Everything that lives, eventually dies. We wake, eat, do #1 and 2, sleep and eventually (hopefully later then sooner) don't wake up. What your post kind of sounds like is "Rainy Days and Mondays" and you handle it well. I personally like to go outside and look at the trees, the sky, clouds or the moon (I LOVE night time) and think about how wonderful and beautiful nature is. Then I have a beer. : )

  9. Hey the world is great you powerful human creators!

    I advise you have a listen to iON - the best non-physical can get. All the portals are open and it's time to claim back what is rightfully yours!

    Search for iON / achieveradio / howionic dot com

    ...And I promise that it will cheer up anybody who needs it.

    Blessed Be.

  10. S.,

    So sorry that weird crank from the last post forced you in a place of feeling extreme vulnerability. Hopefully, he is blocked & will no longer accost you with his crazed nonsense. I join everyone else in encouraging you to continue to share your thoughts. It is a rare thing that someone with as much renown as you would be willing to open herself up so much; to share her own experience(s) of the journey we're all on. All love & light to you! ~Alexandra

  11. I have to say to you that since I read what you write, I feel at the same time very well in the stories that you lived, and at the same time as a place of mediation  with your thoughts, and your way of thinking which raises questionings. There is a weird thing, it's that often I find myself in what you say but, indeed on, in my own way and in the life which I live.
    There is no perversity, of voyeurism in all this, maybe curiosity (where you gonna bring us?), but I find you, by yours writing, very relaxing and interesting.
    I am not abble of making what you make here (or somewhere else) because I have not a very interesting life (I judge it like this myself). I'm only abble to write some stories (books).

    You make us think by your internal troughts of being a women, a mother, and some pieces of your past. I find them very interesting. You are, for me, as a "small" place of mediation, sometimes, even often, I allow to recognize myself in what you're written. I find that moreover sometimes surprising and strange lol

    There not so much room to dream as here on the internet....

    Do not worry about the "thing" which you had on your previous blog, nobody judges you, at least not the persons who estimate and appreciate you.
    Continue! Go on!

    Love and light,
    Damien, a little french guy.

    P.S : As always sorry for my english or franglish...

  12. There is a strange paradox in speaking one's truth anonymously vs. as a well-known human being. Perhaps the backlash you feel is due to the latter... issues of envy, jealousy, not wanting to accept an actual person behind the favorite role, etc. Or, it could be just plain disagreement & varying opinions not expressed in a way you'd prefer or take part in yourself.

    It's difficult to put oneself out there. Another issue to do so with full, real name attached to the words, thoughts, ideas & desires.

    Just a bit of food for thought. Do what works best for you, protect yourself from needless hurt & woe & use a psuedonym or turn off comments if you feel you've something to reveal which needs to be said, but you just want it expressed & not necessarily commented upon.

    Best of luck... V

  13. sherilyn-who-shines -

    i regret the weird responses you got. but you know - and i do think you know - the human instinctive core has both light and dark, peace and war, compassion and aggression, and we need both. since this is so, all the way through, it's no tragedy. it's why we're here at all.

    i feel you reveal flashes of yourself. i wonder what's in the inferno, the actual core of you, and if it will ever come out? do you want it to?

    with love,

  14. your words inspire... your thoughts are profound... please do not be troubled... your strength and spirituality will carry you through.. God bless you.

  15. Your last post was radiant and you should know that when you send light and love into the world it is a GOOD thing. Of course it attracts more light and may also invite darkness. That can be terrifying. But you are strong and I think it was Emerson who said that what is light without a darkness to stick it in. We are all made of stars, embrace it all as a measure of your full humanity

  16. For quote a David Lynch's movie:

    Even if you are wild :
    "Don't turn away from love... Don't turn away from Love..."

  17. I'm sorry you had to experience the negativity that made you feel shaky about writing more. I tend to be sensitive too, and I often have a hard time understanding why people get online and just spew negative comments. I mean is that really fun? But I guess some people thrive on positivity and others seem to love negativity. I've always loved positivity and being around positive people. And I think faith also calls me to be positive and to believe the good in the midst of a crazy, mixed up world.

    Anyway, I want to encourage you and thank you for being open and for sharing! I have enjoyed your blog a lot. I hope you'll write lots more, and I hope that the online community around you will be positive, encouraging and supportive.

    I also wanted to share a thought I had about your Prince studio story. I'm the one who mentioned the year that Cool was recorded and the possibility that the song you heard at Sunset might have been a different song, hoping to jog your memory a bit so that it might help you remember some more details. When I read your initial post about hearing the song in the studio, no other songs came to mind that used the Coke bottles (though that part of your story was really interesting, because I always knew those weren't Agogo Bells in the song, but wasn't quite sure what they were). Michael Jackson used Coke bottles in "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" a few years earlier. Funny that Coke isn't even sold in glass bottles anymore...

    Since you knew you were 18 when you met Prince (forgive me, I looked up your birth date on imdb), there are five periods of time that Prince worked at Sunset Sound while you were that age. Looking at all of the songs that were supposed to have been recorded during that time, I think I found the song that you may have heard ... and it does have Coke bottles in it!

    The song is The Time's biggest hit song, "Jungle Love", which interestingly enough, was mostly written by Jesse Johnson but was co-written with Prince, whose arrangement and production is one of the things that made this song so great. Do you think the date you met Prince was at the end of March 1983? He supposedly recorded Jungle Love at Sunset Sound on March 26 & 27, 1983. Morris Day and Jesse Johnson were there recording their parts on the song at some point on those two days also. Prince performed a concert at the Universal Amphitheater the next day.

    Prince went back on tour in support of 1999 right after that, but returned to Sunset Sound to work from April 14-22, 1983. It was also during this time, on April 18th, that Prince fired Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis from The Time, right there at Sunset Sound. When he returned again to Sunset Sound in late summer 1983, he was very much working on Purple Rain and even moving on to what would come after it.

    Let me know if you think Jungle Love was the song you heard (or not) - it would be fun to know! ;-)

    Thanks again for your writing!

  18. This comment has been removed by the author.

  19. Why is it that harsh words tend to stick to the surface of a sea of compliments in our minds? This is part of being human, and that condition has inherent dysfunctionalities. Meanness is obvious and might leave a mark for a while. Kindness can be subdued, but its presence is felt for a long time, fortunately.

    That being said, we must NEVER be afraid of letting people see our true selves, because genuineness and spontaneity is the only way to go. So what if I decide to stroke a bumblebee hovering in a flower, or take my sandals off and walk in a shallow fountain downtown or sing along with my iPod on the subway platform, or blurb out whatever wacky idea I have to my friends or on a blog? THAT's what makes me who I am and makes life so enjoyable!

    I truly hope that you will decide to continue your journey in BlogLand, because many of us obviously really enjoy reading you and feel we understand what you are talking about.

    Hugs, Gen :-)

  20. Okay... I did not take the time to update my reading... Ahem. What I wrote still stands though! Hee hee!

  21. I think you might have more luck if you have a blog where you don't tell everyone who you are. You may get a lot better feedback from people, because they will just be relating to you as a person and not as a famous person they are strongly projecting their own feelings and desires on. There's really no way around that if everyone knows you are Sherilyn Fenn.

    Your quote about spiritual beings having a human experience reminds me of this:


    You might find it interesting!

    Take care,

  22. It's nice to see you're still writing. I wouldn't worry about the weird comments on your last post; it was just the internet expressing itself in one of its more ridiculous forms. I say it's the "internet" because it is literally the only place where something like that can happen. I can see how it might be a little unnerving for a person who is known to the public, but I don't feel it should cause you to reconsider what you're doing. Why hide? You ARE Sherilyn Fenn -- your career is an important part of who you are and what you write about, as well as an undeniable reason why otherwise anonymous people might be curious to see what you're writing. If we can't write honestly and openly, then what's to be gained from it?

  23. I wish i was a chinese cycle older sometimes..
    a snake from very similar global concerns with sad resignation i watch a self-proclaimed intelligent species live without direction or purpose. "Harsh words" are so labeled cos they hurt to hear.. Socrates may have been said to use "harsh words" in a time that was unwilling to hear them ... much like ours now is unwilling to listen. Embrace that "hall of scholars in your mind" for if we arent breathing but being breathed.. we are also not thinking but being thought. weeks fly in the astrolabe if sophism. From a family and ancestry of thinkers you would have fit right into my loony air/fire sign family lol.. you are a thinker i feel i know- a bolt of lightning that would occasionally zap around in the realm of snakes and dragons of air and fire.

  24. Oh, I am happy to see the return of this blog, which I only discovered as it was going into its recent hiatus. I admire Sherilyn's film work greatly but even more do I admire her honesty, candor, and determination to seek her higher self and share the experience and lessons with those of us here. She's gonna be just fine, her road is going to open up before her, and helpers will always be there for her. Disregard the false trails and the malicious vagabonds, Ms. Fenn, and stick to your course. You have the power and awareness to rise above any challenge. Keep your chin up and your eyes open and thanks for your generosity of spirit here.

  25. Complete defeat. There is no freedom like it. It's
    an action. I have to remember that I Am in complete
    defeat. Right here , right now. Weather you read thus
    or not. If people don't thinkbi am as witty and
    as smart as I would lke them to think. I am completly
    defeated over my ego which tells me I am better
    , or worse than others. As soon as I accept my
    complete defeat in controlling people , places, things, outcomes , ect.
    Than and only then am I truly free!

    By the way I think I saw you at chin chins today .
    Chineese chk salad is awesome ?

  26. "One woman can force you to fly like an eagle. Another can give you force of a lion. But only one all over the world can fill you with pleasure and wisdom above which there is nothing."
    And this Woman is you, Sherilyn!
    Don´t forget it!

    Warm regardes, Inga

  27. Another groovy blog. I've never been a blog-reader or a blogger. Yours is the first I've wanted to read. Thanks for blogging :)