Thursday, February 18, 2016

A Swan Song.........

Good day to you who comes to visit. I thank you for your support and the shares of similar truths we are experiencing as we "are surfing Armageddon".  My beloved shrink ROBERT LORENZ used to say.  RIP......... He did not mean it in any radical biblical sense......And for me and my direct experience in life these days .......that is what it feels like. A surfing through these amazing dualities.

For me personally , with our limited language......it feels like a constant pressure. Sometimes right on my chest. I feel like my heart is getting pierced by so many different things. On the first level, where my children and our surviving/living in a healthy & happy way. What IS my true hearts desire now in addition to being with and helping them?

I have always wanted to be working with children. They are where I feel true joy. Children, babies, animals and elderly people.....that is my peace. IT is for me a place all is authentic and essential and perfect. OF course, being in nature has this magic as well.

I have been blessed through a few avenues to come face to face with what the business calls "fans".....and I call them a sort of sacred family. TO be in the presence of too many souls to count & in this strange dream of a life, to be in touch with many through social media, has given me so much more than the business ever did.

I have come to the realization that I really no longer care about or....that is not the right way to say it..... With the truth of things as they stand for me, meaning I am proud and truth be told a bit shocked that people loved Audrey so much they sometimes call her an icon. It is such an honor. It is enough for me.

Of course, enough includes my body of work which began at least 7 yrs before Twin Peaks and went on another 23 years after that. In that time I loved most of what I did and hated some too. The point is that I do not have the ambition anymore. I don't care. Sometimes there is something that I become passionate about, but there is a long list of far more accomplished actresses than I that will be offered it first, etc. As well they should.

Bless them. I don't care. I am of course convincing myself on some level because to be blessed to have such wonderful experiences in my life, the people, especially my teachers....of life.... I can have nothing but immense gratitude for it all. It has been a dramatic ride.

I am happy to be 51. I love to not have this mantle of being that girl. That SEX object. It is in every film and now most tv shows. They even much to my dismay wanted me to dose nudity for SHAMELESS...........i was really devastated..... And I did it. And can only hope for the best.

If the drama of our personal stuff is not enough...... There is a piercing on the level of those close to us. Like a circle around the personal circle. Family, loved ones, friends, no friends, animals, depending on how open you are determines how much of this comes in.

Then the world circle......things all over this planet that are happening as I write. Things that for me, I literally have to shield myself from. I have to much of a reaction and anyway, I can feel in my body when really bad things are happening. I get sick.

Truly these circles more than likely go on and on....but Ill end with the infinite circle of the beautiful universe. what we can see and all we cannot.

TO take so much on personally is just a lot of ego. And ego innocently tries to protect us but separates. divides. Judges. Tries to conquer.

I do not know what tomorrow holds. At all. And that is exciting and scary. But it felt more scary to feel that I was trapped here in LA< pursuing something so illusive and deeply heart breaking at times.
As if in this big beautiful world I still needed that.

This is a very transitory place to be in. I am sharing a lot that has come to me recently. I know that the answers are always shown to us. I am sharing because I wonder if a lot of us now are feeling a pull to do something more heart felt in their life.

Too many tears.....for too many years......too many tears.........i need to dance my swan song....

Live to Love!!!!! Blessing to ALL of us to find our birthright......LOVEPEACE

P.S. My friends. Please forgive me but I only do a spell check then just post. I don't reread it. So, if it is bumpy in places, maybe just go with it....or not

48 comments:

  1. I never reread...I am my own worst critic, better just to let it flow and let it be honest. At 51 you have only ripened. And now you will leave your mark, in the decades to come. Have no shame in the past, and anyone who judges is a fool, for they were not there in that moment in that situation with those thoughts and those pressures and those desires and those past experiences. Spread the love.

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  2. You brood too much, you have not seen and read about the law of attraction
    Try positive thinking

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    1. I have only met Sherilyn once. She was tired and harried and looking forward to getting home, and yet she still carried a bright light of friendliness, honesty, and authentic appreciation. Searching for your path and deep thinking is not the same as brooding. We may carry regrets from our past but we learn from those mistakes.

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    2. That is why I appreciate her. True caring nature. My favorite male actor had his first child at 55 and this perpetual glow has radiated from him since. It's lovely. I see the same joys in her.

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  3. Hi Sherilyn your words are so beautiful. I love reading your blogs I wish the very best for you I might do a blog one day peace be with you darling.I hope you get to do something you love working with children ect

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  4. I am also at a transition stage in my life. I'm 22 and just graduated nursing school and am struggling with the concept of trying to become a full blown adult (scary) while also trying to maintain my free spirit (although I am currently mad at my free spirit for almost getting me arrested last month! Bad free spirit!) The worst part is realizing that I can't make a decision that doesn't disappoint someone be it my family or myself. However, I have no doubt that I will choose what is best for me. I fully believe whatever you do, weather you continue acting or decide to work with children will both have a great impact on many lives.

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  5. I love you Sherilyn Thank you for your truth and authenticity it always inspires me in the deepest way. as the viels lift the deepest parts of me open up and I am able to take it all in. Audrey may be an icon but you your truth your soul your heart your courage your vulnerability You the essence of you is the true ICON.
    xx
    Delfina

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    1. yyyyoooouuuuuu wwwhhheeennn?????

      blessings,love&understanding

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  6. I am grateful to have the possibility of talking somehow with you, because you are such a gentle a soul. Life throws the unexpectable at us , the only thing we could do is to be honest with ourselves and give our best. And you always did, being passionate and genuine. I wish you all the best from the ver bottom of my heart, because you deserve it, and I warmly hug you like you were my sister. Take care and be strong :*

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  7. You are great and I'm so happy to visit back here after 3 years and see you're still blogging! You inspire me

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  8. Hi !
    I just saw you on Shameless and you are seriously awesome ! Yay !!

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  9. Karen Mulder once said that it really messed with her head when strangers would approach her and say stuff like how much they loved her and how fabulous they thought she was.

    I hesitate to heap praise on famous people (like they would know, anyway) out of concern for...well, concern for them as human beings. And that's what they are.

    Twin Peaks was something I discovered when I was 12/13. At that time of one's life, experiences that make an impression on you are pure magic. The strangeness and glamour of this particular television show with which you were involved resonates with me to this day.

    However, as an adult, I have no expectations of the people behind the characters who dazzled me at that age. I say that as a way to show respect.

    Was I impressed by Audrey Horne? Yes. So impossibly hip! The attitude, the retro clothes, losing herself in music no matter who was watching. You gave her some serious allure. Not to mention the mystery and oddness and beauty of the program itself.

    Ms. Fenn, you have meaning for me but I include no burden with that.

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  10. You only get one shot at life so do whatever brings you peace and happiness. Stay true to yourself. :)

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  11. Sherilyn, love your writing! So authentic and genuine. I need to be more open and honest and transparent. Thanks for the inspiration!

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  12. Oh my, how this reflects where I'm at right now! Coincidentally, you and I are of the same generation and I find your posts often are an echo of my thoughts. When you say that "a lot of us now are feeling a pull to do something more heart felt in their life", that is where I am, since I can no longer work in my field because of cognitive and health issues (remitting relapsing MS). I actually talked to my therapist THIS AFTERNOON about where I want to go from here. Music has been my passion for as long as I can remember, and I am practicing my talents on my keyboard. It feels GREAT.

    So in a way, if it weren't for those health issues, I would not have as much time to concentrate on music. Life usually does not go according to plan, but it feels so good to be mindful enough to thoroughly enjoy something even though at first a situation might seem extremely negative.

    My thoughts are with you in this period of change :)

    Gen x

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  13. Audrey is not the icon, Sherilyn is the Icon. Peace and love

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  14. All the best to you Sherilyn. I hope children comfort you henceforth. I also imagine Mr. Lynch will have some surprises and maybe opportunities for you.

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  15. A beautiful posting. It would be lovely if you wrote more. So much of what you share resonates....the search for purpose, place - combined with passion. Life transitions, and how we find and derive beauty and meaning. Yes, I adore all things Lynch, and your artistic work. Being in the public eye certainly a blessing and a curse in my view...I am more interested in thoughts, dialogue and expression, art, than celebrity. So keep sharing and inspiring. Sending light and peace from crazy NYC. Enjoy the California warmth and sun.

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  16. Have you considered being a motivational speaker? It is refreshing to hear someone who's been in film/tv aka the fake industry who is REAL and unfiltered. Lots of people say they are. Then they put a filter on their pics and take caution with statements.

    I've appreciated you since Twin Peaks. (I likely wouldn't before that but I was a young teen in the 80s)

    I hate that you're undervalued. Your work is confident and self-assured, though I have no idea if you feel like that in your being.

    You also look dang good for 51 IMHO. Most women, even outside the fake industry, have had 47 lipo procedures and 101 face lifts. SAD.

    Keep being you and smiling. And your makeup-free pictures are truly beautiful.

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  17. In thinking about all that Prince taught us through his brilliant music, I came across a meme.

    "We don't mourn artists we've never met because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves."
    This made me tear. Because it made me think of my thoughts and feelings from reading your words, about how you help me to see things in myself and my journey. I've lived a dozen lives in 35 years. I often feel as if I've have 15 personalities just from associated with friends from all over the place. But it's just me, living without filter, friend to all.

    Back when Robin Williams died, a brilliant man whom I did have the luxury to work with, I wrote a simple statement about him: If only those who hurt so deeply could see themselves through others' eyes…


    Thank you for existing, Sherilyn.

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  18. just have to say, every single thing I've seen you in, you have wonderful chemistry with every person you've shared the screen with. So much so that it's notable above other actors. That isn't brilliant casting. That's a statement on you as a person in my opinion. Twin Peaks to Shameless to Liz to Wild Life to Depp to Two Moon to Just Write to Gilmore Girls.

    Literally every one of those and more I felt immense authenticity, like you've known those screen counterparts 100 years.

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  19. I think you should write a memoir to help girls accept themselves, to tell people that being "hollywood ready" isnt real life. You've been in the biz for a few crucial decades. You are considered a perfect face and likely have some devastating and unique experiences regarding that.

    Just how frank you are and how your big heart shines through here, I think a book focusing on being a pretty face in LA would be beneficial.

    I'm sure there are many books of this nature. But LA is still plastic-central so another one wouldn't hurt.

    I believe everyone in general should write their memoir if only as a way to reflect and cherish the good times and learn from the trying.

    Just some thoughts.

    I once wrote a college paper on how unfair it is that male porn stars aren't degraded yet female ones are.
    There is a war on women's bodies for sure.

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  20. Oh well! Bonsoir,

    I am absolutely striken by astonishement!

    Thank you for being how you are.

    (Or seems to be, in this weird preview of your thoughts, or are they even yours?! I mean, anyone could be writting here...) (( Am I talking to myself? Is anyone gonna read this?! Ahaha, feels good anyway. ))

    It nearly is the first time I go geek around on the internet about an actor or something, (I usually don't even watch tv shows... But I love David Lynch's work so I had to watch twin peaks!) So, yeah.. Right now I don't really know how to express myself!!

    I finished TP three days ago, and Audrey Horne's character just stayed in my mind and inspired me in my day to day mood, but I got curious. I knew there was something more about her; YOU are pure (in all the chaos it takes, i guess)!

    I glimpsed at your profile, and got so happy about the two first books you named! They are breathfull, if I can say that. The Profet gives me wings but bring me so deep in the same time. Even when I only have time to read one phrase of it, it changes the way I see the moment.

    I feel that you are true to yourself and to the situation. This is the power that shows and that has inspired many souls! You are a strong one, at your rhythm.

    I hope that you let yourself be filed with joy.

    I hope that life is good to you.

    I hope that you understand how to live it easily even when it is hard.

    I don't know how you will percieve the three thoughts up there. I don't want them to sound like a burden or something that you should accomplish. It is simply there because you inspire me so strongly; I want it to happen to you. It makes me want to share something. Life is magical!

    I don't know who I am to tell you those things, you probably know them by yourself... But I can't help! I'm speaking tonight.

    Trust your instincts, do the the thing that is right to you.

    Something cool and not so complicated is to make veggies grow! Friendly aquaponics even has a system that you can do in an appartement... I'm investigating this field with my boyfriend (joyfriend!) this summer.

    Yoga

    And dance if you feel like it. Music is everywhere!



    So for the end if this weird message, two things that I realised last summer under the stars near a pyramid in Taos:

    We are ALL linked, and it is all waves; if you let the right ones out from your innerself, they will come back to you en résonnance :)

    And you truly shine. So watch out, they'll hit!

    X

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    1. I FIND YOUR BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE WITH A DEEP GRATITUDE !!!!!!!!! I really needed to read this and it all resonates with my heart and soul. So again, thank you.
      I shall heed these insightful words. I am growing and changing so much, as we all are.... it is a beautiful world for the snap that we are here.

      it all pierces me deeply. And my dear Prince died last week......he is the soundtrack of my life....he is more powerful than ever.....love....

      I am so profoundly moved. Thank you.

      Live to Love
      sherilyn
      xxxooo

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    2. Wooow! I am so surprised and touched that you replied to my message 💗 thank youuu! As well as I am overjoyed that the good vibes I sent seem to have reached you :)


      Prince looks like a genuine artist, I don't really know him aside from my parents listening to one of his album once, in the car... I looked him up because you mentioned him and, I really think he is an accomplished musician and human being. I understand how you feel though ( I heard today that Radiohead is separating :( And aside from that, I am constantly working on some amazing genius' musical ideas, and most of them are long dead, and often in tragic ways, on top of it... ), I am sorry for your loss.

      But you know, I think that the energy never dies, it transfers somewhere. Million places. Once the sound (or even the idea) is made, I believe it exists forever, with its intention! ∞


      I do seek love, try my best to give love to everything I encounter, and surely live love :) i am lucky!

      I feel blessed to have shared these toughts with you dear Sherilyn. And again, thank you to be how you are.

      Paix et amour en abondance,

      Élise


      P.S.: I think we have to learn what kind of sensor we want to be (meaning what kind of energy you are willing to recieve) , in measure not to get hurt by all the stress going around in the cities... The word pierced that you used in your text and in your reply demonstrates the intensity with which you take life, but I know how you feel! Sometimes I think we should let go of the things we can't really change and tune in to the good things we do... It is to see, well well well well!

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  21. Sherilyn, you have always been my very favorite actress. You are pure magic on screen. Thank you for your thoughts here, and for sharing your talent with us! Matt

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  22. Sherilyn, thank you for sharing your good thoughts here. I always enjoy reading them. Your work has always impressed me, and your on screen jobs have always been pure magic to me. Thank you for sharing your amazing talent with us. Please do write a memoir! Wishing you good things this year! matt

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  23. Some humor for you ;)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-x9VWiTPSk

    Agent Cooper and Lorelai Gilmore sitting in a coffee shop having a coffee contest with Luke as the unwilling referee while realizing he's the father of Audrey Horne's illegitimate daughter.

    In seriousness, the similarities between the shows is weird.

    Small town charm.
    Quirky characters.
    Coffee shop/diner
    Several of the same actors
    Both had a love interest story and the question "should they be together?"

    It's like GG is the after life experience that follows TP because nothing bad happens there.

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  24. I happened upon Twin Peaks the other day. I'd not seen it since it aired. Where have the years gone? Brings back so many memories.
    I think I'm at a point in my life I need to figure out what the hell I'm doing. 45 years old.
    Your words seem genuine.
    In my best moments I believe something greater than us exists. That there is a harmony to this world/universe. More often, though, I think of Werner Herzog saying when he thinks of the universe he sees chaos and murder. I know my thoughts shape my attitude and my attitude shapes behavior. If I project positivity I will attract it. But it is difficult. I also work in the field of substance addiction. So much pain and ugliness.
    I'm happy to be rediscovering Twin Peaks and just found out it's coming back - crazy how things happen. It reminds me of a simpler time when all of adulthood was in front of me. And how art can transform and inspire.

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  27. I've never seen Twin Peaks, which may make me unique among this company. I've just always appreciated Sherilyn's work in things like Of Mice and Men, Assassination Bureau, "Liz", Meridien, Desire and Hell at Sunset Motel. And I've always enjoyed her honesty and observations in this blog. Brainy, beautiful, and sweet, a friend to many of us even tho' we've never met. All the best to her and may she rise above present difficulties and despair to realize what a glowing presence she is to all who have appreciated her public work and value the private individual. Take care of yourself, Ms. Fenn!

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  28. Sending lots of love and light as you continue your journey, Sherilyn! Your shares are always wonderful to read. I'd love it if you wrote more of your recollections of the late Jay Moloney. He seemed like such a fascinating person.

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  29. Thank you for all the beauty and inspiration you have shone into this world through your various chosen mediums of expression, you inspire and touch more souls than you will ever know or meet.

    I love reading your words and sincerely hope that your swan song is simply an end of you persuing your acting expression and not an end to your blog or creative writing efforts, as they are wonderful and I look forward to every word you write.

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  30. I have never seen Twin Peaks either..the first time I knew about Sherilyn was from a TV movie called "The Shadow Men" with Eric Roberts. Very gorry and scary! Love you Sherilyn and keep being funny, articulate and happy as a mom xx

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  31. It's tough sometimes when we "lose the ambition" in our careers. I've loved you since seeing The Wraith. It's true, no one knows what the future holds but we have to make the best of it everyday.
    Hope to meet you one day if you make it to the east coast.

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  32. Right. Well...the answers might be shown, but are the questions valid?

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  33. You are so real. Thanks for that. I think we don't expect stars to be real. Very cool.
    Kelly B

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  34. I dated a woman years ago, that looked identical to you, when you stared in Dillinger. I should have married her, still love her to this date. Love your work.

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  35. Shrrilyn you are one really spectacular woman. I really enjoyed reading what you ahve written here. Wish I had a chance to get to know you personally.

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  36. Sherilyn,

    I hope that the 8 months that have passed since this blog have been good ones that have nourished your soul and recharged your batteries!

    I am truly embarrassed that my knowledge of your work is extremely limited, as I consider myself to an amateur cinephile, but until I watched The Wraith yesterday our only crossing was the movie “Just One of the Guys” which I always enjoy.

    As I turned 50 a few months ago, I have had plenty of time to take stock of how my life has turned out, and while I am satisfied, I know that my life is full of imperfections.

    I am raising my 4 kids alone and they do fill me with joy every day. And while it is extremely satisfying to see them grow, it pains me greatly that I am doing it alone as my wife made some curious decisions that led her away from our wonderful family 5 years ago.

    Thank you for sharing your world purview as a public figure and celebrity because I will never lead that life. Your honesty, integrity, and self shine through in all of the posts that I have read so far!

    While my life might be a bit fractured, this post hit home and I wish that your swan song is just a milestone in your continuing adventures in this wondrous and exciting world!

    Live long and prosper!

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  37. Dear Sherilyn

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Your writing is truly amazing and inspiring. It's so nice to know that there are other souls out there who think and feel in a similar way. And I like the idea of us all being connected.(I apologize for my mistakes. English is not my native language;-) Also the thought of the ego which separates and divides is something I think about a lot. And in one of your last sentences you mentioned our birthright. I never read something like that before. It's very thoughtful and it touches my heart in a most gentle and refreshing way. I never considered that, and it's been only a few days ago when I realized that I am still connected to my birthmother. It was then when I decided to go and look for her. It is like a calling, a scratching glue that holds pieces of my spine together but also knows, any time now it's going to break. So reading your words encourages me even more to do that, thank you. Of course it'll need some time until finely I'll be able to get into a plane and go to India, but whenever I make my plans I'll be thinking of your input! ;-) So yes, we are all connected. It gives the notion that we are not alone in this world which is something I tend to forget. I don't know if it is okay for me to say this but I have not the slightest doubt that you are a wonderful mother. God bless you, Sherilyn. The way you write about your children and you, being a Mom moves me every time I go through your lines. When I know how self-involved parents can be, it makes me feel relieved and positive to find other, healthier gardians. It's really strong and courageous to share in such a open and honest way like you do. Very, very cool 😎

    Now, I wish you a wonderful evening and a lovely week ahead of you! lol and a big hug from Switzerland, Meena

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