Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Thank God I am a dragon.

It seems it is all this separation that keeps us in pain. Jailed spirits in a cell of our own making. You, me...Him, her......THEY....... Countries, states, cities, school districts, families, houses, properties.....will it ever stop???  When the hell will we all get all this is but a dream.  A dream mirror. What you hate in someone else IS you. Also what you love. Although the hate seems easier to accept.

How can we love ourselves. isn't that self-centered??? What is wrong with being centered within yourself???????  E. Tolle.

Then there is the man, woman. Male, female thing. This seems one of the biggest. I was introduced in therapy at one point to the concept of " male or female prejudice."  I knew it was there but never heard it put into those words Which one do I have? . I began to try to see where mine sat. I realized that I have a little (or a lot) of both. I feel it is directly related to which parent one felt more fucked over by. And even that perception can be immensely distorted.  In my case, it is both so I find it hard to trust either one. But I work on it daily.

When a man sits there and gives the unoriginal, typical, bigoted "women are crazy" skin crawls. Or the "she must be on her period." Or in ANY rape case, even the military situations in the news right now..."she wanted it." It is a very scared and scarred man that does this. Born of the womb of your MOTHER. IT makes me sick. It says more of this baby-man than anything else. gooogoooogaaagaaa. I rage.

Then I take a breath and feel pity. I am consciously working on not being a victim to my anger anymore. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes, not so much. But at least I look at it and actively work on it.

A man that does not see the goodness of  a woman OR a woman who does not see the goodness of a man are just immature people who have not dealt with their own personal issues around their family and their life as a whole.  And all that judgement turns into them and condemns them to their cell. How can it be anything else. It is a kind of sick and tangled prejudice that is insidious. It informs all their relationships, including ones with their own blood, their children. It is a kind of undiagnosed cancer.

These thoughts even if they go unexpressed are so dangerous. Truth can be FELT. It need not even be uttered, tune in and you'll FEEL it. I sort walk through my life this way. I feel my way through. I trust what I feel so much more than what people say. With an exception, sometimes one can learn  much from the off the cuff comments. More so than the big, grandiose statements motivated by a self-serving agendas of one kind or another.

I actually feel sorry for men with all the bullshit that society lays on them. I used to buy a lot of it  as a young, single woman until I became a mother of 2 boys. Then I realized it was all untrue. It was just what they had been taught. My boys feel as much as ANY woman. We need to teach them that this is a gift. And allow them to have a safe place  to SHARE it.  If as mothers we can do that with our boys, they may have a chance.

They will always mirror what they see and learn from their parents.  What did you see????? How do they live in you???? If you don't see-feel it, you are blind.

"Mother......Father....... You always are WRESTLING inside of me....."  Tree of Life....... How this film slayed me. Reignited my belief in modern films. Some people say they don't understand it....... Just feel what you feel during it. It is NOT about an intellectual understanding. None of the best things are about intellectual understanding.  Its about opening the heart. And allowing....

"Oh, honey, you think you vulnerability is a weakness. You haven't yet realized it is your strength." My beloved teacher, the late Roy London. His pic still hangs above my desk. How I miss him. Yet, how he is alive inside of me.

To me the new renaissance man is like my son Myles, although the world threatens to fuck with him too.
These young men are wise, kind and compassionate. Unafraid to show their feelings. They share with their friends their feelings. And listen to what others say, want and need.

 Someone once tried to put women into a category to my beautiful son Myles. He came to me.... by the grace of God he often does and shared what he thought.

Women do this and that.... are craze etc.... female prejudice perspective...he was told but NOT sold.  He said- I don't believe that Mom. I don't think men and women are SO different. Its ridiculous. I have more close female friends than male. Those ideas are just not what I experience in the world so I reject them.  I don't listen to this person.

How proud am I. At least some of what I tried to show him stuck. Not only about women but also about WHO he is allowed to be in the world. What is his birth right. To be a more OPEN and unafraid man. One who does not view women as the enemy. To realize those thoughts are the enemy.

A dear friend of mine used to say the only way we can help initiate a change is to raise boys into a different kind of man. That has been my work. And I have been SO far from perfect. But some of my seeds did and continue to grow. And for that I thank God.

I am proud of both my sons. Myles Maximillion is a treasure of a 18 yr old. With a heart of pure gold. And Christian James is well on his way. Now I continue to chip away at my own sometimes distorted male and female prejudices. I know in my heart that the masses are asleep to a lot of this. But I prefer to swim against that tide of bigotry and utter sleep. I want a future unlike the past. So I work in the present to SEE ME CLEARLY> and share with you when the spirit moves.

I pray with your help and prayers that the spirits keeps moving me as it did to write this. It blasted out of me in about 10 to 15 minutes.

Love and Light........