Saturday, January 23, 2010

FEAR.... False Evidence Appearing Real

So it seems that many of us, myself included are looking for miracles out in the world. For signs of some sort that we have not been left behind, that life or God or whatever has not forgotten us....that we matter. Maybe I am just speaking of my own personal experience but I do know many people who are also what I call seekers.

I cut my finger badly about a week ago. While cooking, slicing and dicing, I slit it open really deep. About an inch long. It bleed for a few days and needed a few band aids to protect it. That was on Tuesday night. It is now Saturday morning and although sore it is almost healed.

As I examined it this morning the glorious fact occurred to me again as it has in the past. Why am I looking outside for miracles when I AM a living miracle. I am in a body that literally heals itself. All by itself it knows what to do. I assist it with neosporin and band-aids but that is all I do. It knows just what to do...... It is a miracle.

I cannot tell my heart to beat. Or make the blood pump through my veins. Make my eyes see things or my ears hear. Much as I'd like to take credit it has nothing to do with me doing anything. I am being breathed by something far greater than the little me. By the life force itself, the Initiator....

This is not egotistical, it is a reality. We are all in these incredible bodies that heal themselves. OK, yes, not always. If a certain dis-ease comes in it may or may not heal. That is more God's business. And to deny we are all "dying" on some level is silly. That is NOT my point here.

My point is that I am often looking outside of myself for what exists pristine and untouched inside of myself. I am always assuming that I am not enough or am flawed, damaged goods, etc. And am coming to the realization that this is all a big lie. The great lie. One of the greatest lies of humanity frankly.

It causes so much distress, pain and harm these false beliefs I have carried around about myself for so many years. Creating self-fulfilling prophecies left and right to support my false beliefs. Unconsciously manifesting that which I fear the most and am trying to run away from. But wherever I run to, there I AM.

And so I am the proverbial hamster on a wheel. Going around and around, getting nowhere fast and absolutely exhausted in the process. I am thrilled to report that I believe I have finally, after 44 years on the planet, gotten OFF this wheel. From sheer exhaustion. From the immense pain it brings. From a desire to move on into a more joyful life for me and my family. I am off!!!!!

You may ask how? It is not so simple. I think much I have done has supported and led up to this moment. With some blessed angels along the way. I have been a seeker of truth my entire life. I have a gift of vision that has been squashed and was relegated to the basement early in my childhood. But it never died, it just went dormant for awhile. I have read and studied much about philosophy, studied conscious beings, and done more therapy then I care to admit.

All of this has added to it but is not really needed I believe in the times we are living in. It is a very special time and the forces of light are conspiring everywhere to wake people up if they have the eyes to see and the ears to hear. The signs are everywhere when you choose to see them. But we all have free will so one must choose to go on the path. And once you do it will pull you along at a rapid pace. It is as my friend calls it= Sign of the times.

For some this will not be their truth and that is okay too. There is no wrong just many different and beautiful expressions of the infinite. All of them have a place. It just happens that I write about mine and encourage others to find their own. Truth has many faces. All as perfect and beautiful as the next.

I did an incredible workshop last weekend. It is a method to discover, uncover and recover that child that exists in me. In everyone really. It has changed so much in my life. I cannot yet articulate all that occurred and continues to. But it is my path to report on my life and so in this moment I am trying to do just that.

It was confirmed yet again that all that goes on as a baby in the womb up until 7 years old sets up and defines who one is in their life. For most of us there was much pain and disillusionment. There was a taking on of family lineages of stuff. And especially taking on the parents stuff. We are these ripe soils as children and so many seeds get planted. Mostly not such good ones. Again, that is my experience and that of the peeps in my life. That is all I ever speak about and to.

Recovering my child and seeing and feeling and discharging her pain has been cathartic. To hear her, to mourn her pain, to declare to never let her be hurt again.....I am forever changed. Rachel and Vicky have quieted and are happier that their job has lots of time off now. I put my little girl in a beautiful new pink and purple dress, she is free and happy again. I love her deeply.

She wants to dance and sing. And she is so powerful she does not care if she gets judged. She will fly high. I swam the reservoir of her grief with her and am on the shore now. We rest, we love, we prepare for a future unlike our past. I invite you to rediscover your truth, your child, your gold. We all have this alive and well inside of us. Don't become heavy and dense and let the societal tribe drag you into its collective sleep anymore.

Lets fly..........




22 comments:

  1. I really can't get over how much I love to read your blog...this is incredibly inspiring.

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  2. Sherilyn, you have a gift for writing & touching people. Please know that you are not alone in what you have gone through & are going through.
    When I read your blog at times I feel like you're talking about my life.
    Thanks for sharing your truth & inspiring me to do the same.

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  3. I am so thankful to have had parents who were wonderfully supportive, especially during those formative years, when I see that so many did not have that luxury.
    Much love to you and your inner girl - may she finally blossom within you so that you can realize the joy and fulfillment you were always meant to experience.

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  4. The thing that most people fear is beeing alone.That is why they look for help and enlightenment from the outside.When you reflect about what ALONE means,it comes clear.It means ALL ONE.That everything you need is inside of you,as it is in the universe.All help you could possibly need is there.All the trust,the love,the strength.When you are ALL ONE,you are connected with the universe and every possible wisdom there is.We just need to learn to see...

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  5. This life's dim windows of the soul
    Distorts the heavens from pole to pole
    And leads you to believe a lie
    When you see with, not through, the eye

    -William Blake; English visionary Mystic, Poet, and Artist (1757-1827)

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  6. I think, and I'm maybe wrong on this (???), that to be wise it is not to show that we are too wise ;)

    Light and Love,

    Damien.

    'Noun'

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  7. would you be willing to share the name of the workshop with a fellow seeker?

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  8. I felt so happy and positive about things after reading this.Thank you Sherilyn.

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  10. Great post. As you so eloquently stated, the path of truth/honesty isn't for everyone. The suffering I endure because of my dual nature makes it a really hard path to follow.

    Being a seeker of truth myself from an early age, I have been keenly aware of my collision course with the collective race mind for quite some time. Part of my early childhood programming involved being taught to believe that the opinions others have of me, should matter more to me than the opinion I have of myself. It's something I still grapple with some 30 years later. As much as I try to run from it throughout my life, I still find at the end of the day the only thing that really matters is how I feel about who I am when I look in the mirror. Can I honestly love and accept myself for who I am and what I say and do.

    I have the innate ability to be my worst critic and beat myself up harder than anyone else I know. That's why it's so imperative for me to do whatever it takes to keep myself thinking positive and staying happy. Thank you.

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  11. I think only a small percent of abused girls recover truely as women 5%. I think you are in that 5 percent.

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  12. Hi:

    Ouch, sounds like a nasty cut. Glad to see you are healing in more ways than one. It is refreshing to know that we can be self healing; sometimes a little assistance (a bandaid or a workshop) can help heal a bit faster and better. You are right on...our bodies, minds, and souls are miracles; sometimes its so hard to comprehend the uniqueness of who/what we are.

    Have fun in any future workshops and be careful (with knives).
    Thanks for sharing and inspiring.
    KRH

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  13. Thanks for this, Sherilyn. Not only are you're a wonderful storyteller. Your writing flows with spirit. (Maybe same thing?)

    Dance like there's no tomorrow, sing like it's karaoke night in your gut :)

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  14. For me the anguish of life is feeling marginalized from most of society, knowing that there is very little that will change that. But there are exotic countries where I feel more at home. Living in America/North America, there is a level of pasticity that creates an inauthentic environment.

    But it's all a matter of perspective. You can change from being scared to being happy in less than a nano-second. It's all how you approach things.

    I have opened myself to the idea that everyone has validity to their thoughts. I am but one perspective - one monad (Leibniz). I therefore don't take myself too seriously, although I do have conviction. I then have trouble with people who feel they have it all worked out. I am naked, fallible, weak... I'm human. Like Salman Rushdie said, "I feel sorry for people who think they have it figured out."

    There really is not that much to say. Life, the proposition of life, is both beautiful and horrific. It's filled with suffering and horror but yet love and light. A total contradiction. The only person that is going to help you understand the order of things is you. Nobody else can. You are completely alone. You think 44 years has gone by fast? And how much of that was spent worrying about things that, in the end, don't really matter?

    Being free and pure in my thoughts has helped me mitigate absorbing the dogma and arrogance of others. My strategy has been to shield myself from others. Not that I am some pompous, pretentious twit. It's just, after all this time, I realize that a lot of people are sort of primitive and pathological. But we are forced to live these illusory lives, with made up jobs, in a made up society. Instead of focusing on our breathing, on our existence, we are watching baseball games and Jay Leno. Just distractions.

    It's hard to admit what we are, who we are, how little control we have over our world. But that's the truth. We are really nothing, but something at the same time. It's the emptiness of it all that makes me smile. The jokes on me, and I know it. That's ok, that's life.

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  15. I wish I had gotton that nasty cut and not you. That pain would have been a huge welcome compared to the pain of my failed invitro procedure last week. I have been sulking and logging on tonight to check your blog has gently eased my bitterness. You don't realize it but I'm a huge fan and your words are extremely comforting to me. The roller coaster ride continues for me.......God bless, Sandy

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  16. i am fascinated. this blog post is so sincere, it shares so much energy, it inspires many people in their comments. i am just so happy for this. all the truth and inner equanimity is positive, encouraging..

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  17. I'm so happy for your getting off the wheel! Your honesty is a bright star and it illuminates the often dark sky of life. Keep writing Sherilyn! I'm always sending you good thoughts

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  18. Sometimes I wish I were a hamster on a wheel. They look as though they're enjoying themselves quite a bit. You'd think they would be more in shape because of it, though. =(

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  19. "Unless you become as little Children, you can't see God's kingdom."-Jesus

    Thank you very much, Sherilyn, for sharing your thoughts with us!

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