I cut my finger badly about a week ago. While cooking, slicing and dicing, I slit it open really deep. About an inch long. It bleed for a few days and needed a few band aids to protect it. That was on Tuesday night. It is now Saturday morning and although sore it is almost healed.
As I examined it this morning the glorious fact occurred to me again as it has in the past. Why am I looking outside for miracles when I AM a living miracle. I am in a body that literally heals itself. All by itself it knows what to do. I assist it with neosporin and band-aids but that is all I do. It knows just what to do...... It is a miracle.
I cannot tell my heart to beat. Or make the blood pump through my veins. Make my eyes see things or my ears hear. Much as I'd like to take credit it has nothing to do with me doing anything. I am being breathed by something far greater than the little me. By the life force itself, the Initiator....
This is not egotistical, it is a reality. We are all in these incredible bodies that heal themselves. OK, yes, not always. If a certain dis-ease comes in it may or may not heal. That is more God's business. And to deny we are all "dying" on some level is silly. That is NOT my point here.
My point is that I am often looking outside of myself for what exists pristine and untouched inside of myself. I am always assuming that I am not enough or am flawed, damaged goods, etc. And am coming to the realization that this is all a big lie. The great lie. One of the greatest lies of humanity frankly.
It causes so much distress, pain and harm these false beliefs I have carried around about myself for so many years. Creating self-fulfilling prophecies left and right to support my false beliefs. Unconsciously manifesting that which I fear the most and am trying to run away from. But wherever I run to, there I AM.
And so I am the proverbial hamster on a wheel. Going around and around, getting nowhere fast and absolutely exhausted in the process. I am thrilled to report that I believe I have finally, after 44 years on the planet, gotten OFF this wheel. From sheer exhaustion. From the immense pain it brings. From a desire to move on into a more joyful life for me and my family. I am off!!!!!
You may ask how? It is not so simple. I think much I have done has supported and led up to this moment. With some blessed angels along the way. I have been a seeker of truth my entire life. I have a gift of vision that has been squashed and was relegated to the basement early in my childhood. But it never died, it just went dormant for awhile. I have read and studied much about philosophy, studied conscious beings, and done more therapy then I care to admit.
All of this has added to it but is not really needed I believe in the times we are living in. It is a very special time and the forces of light are conspiring everywhere to wake people up if they have the eyes to see and the ears to hear. The signs are everywhere when you choose to see them. But we all have free will so one must choose to go on the path. And once you do it will pull you along at a rapid pace. It is as my friend calls it= Sign of the times.
For some this will not be their truth and that is okay too. There is no wrong just many different and beautiful expressions of the infinite. All of them have a place. It just happens that I write about mine and encourage others to find their own. Truth has many faces. All as perfect and beautiful as the next.
I did an incredible workshop last weekend. It is a method to discover, uncover and recover that child that exists in me. In everyone really. It has changed so much in my life. I cannot yet articulate all that occurred and continues to. But it is my path to report on my life and so in this moment I am trying to do just that.
It was confirmed yet again that all that goes on as a baby in the womb up until 7 years old sets up and defines who one is in their life. For most of us there was much pain and disillusionment. There was a taking on of family lineages of stuff. And especially taking on the parents stuff. We are these ripe soils as children and so many seeds get planted. Mostly not such good ones. Again, that is my experience and that of the peeps in my life. That is all I ever speak about and to.
Recovering my child and seeing and feeling and discharging her pain has been cathartic. To hear her, to mourn her pain, to declare to never let her be hurt again.....I am forever changed. Rachel and Vicky have quieted and are happier that their job has lots of time off now. I put my little girl in a beautiful new pink and purple dress, she is free and happy again. I love her deeply.
She wants to dance and sing. And she is so powerful she does not care if she gets judged. She will fly high. I swam the reservoir of her grief with her and am on the shore now. We rest, we love, we prepare for a future unlike our past. I invite you to rediscover your truth, your child, your gold. We all have this alive and well inside of us. Don't become heavy and dense and let the societal tribe drag you into its collective sleep anymore.