Friday, May 8, 2009

My pity party, reaching for my voice again....help

A wise man once shared that he feels there is no such thing as "writer's block", but that you simply don't have anything to say. I suppose that is where I have been. I got injured doing a stupid episode of a cable tv show and was basically thrown 5 feet across the room and fractured my tailbone. Also smashed into a potted plant on the ground on my mid back and altogether shocked my body, mind and spirit.

Woe is me. In a big way. This post is my pity party. It sucks being injured and especially at the hands of although someone I liked, I felt it was irresponsible. There is NEVER any reason to hurt another actor, even if the script demands, which this did not. Just a little to pumped up and into it , I suppose at my expense.

This situation has evoked something I had never experienced....panic attacks. Fun. Not sure why, but they just come up. Maybe because it was so unexpected at such a crucial part of the body, the tailbone, that is connected to...well...only everything. So I try to go one day at a time and heal. I m told it takes a long time. How fun.

I guess this is God's way of forcing me to slow down and to look at me and ask for help. I have discovered that I have a deep lack of self care/self love. I always knew it was there, but it is screaming at me now. You see, I am a micromanaging and very controlling person. So an injury is crazy making for a woman like me.

Then there is the joy of dealing with Workman's comp. And where they have for the most part been so helpful, lets face it....with all the fraud around this you meet some pretty shitty doctors who clearly don't even give a damn about you and at times downright lie about the actually injury. One in particular will be receiving a letter from me. Not because I feel I could ever change his willy ways but for ME.

It seems a well known fact but bears mentioning, those who cheat the system, screw it for those who have real injuries and need help. Oh well. I have been as I said taken care of so far so good. And even managed to find a good, kind doctor [on the approved list] so all is proceeded as it should.

So much for keeping my weight down. Not being able to move much in the past month has been disastrous. I feel like I have gained 300lbs. It actually closer to 10 but at 5"4, that a lot. But after starting physical therapy I will start moving again, starting today.

It seems to me that this is a boring blog so I apologize but it is simply where I am at the moment. The cool thing is that as I am writing, I just got a message from a fan in response to my complaining about the heat to"sit in front of a fan and update my blog." The beautiful, ironic part is that is EXACTLY what I am doing, even with the fan.

And so there is a GOD and we are all one and connected. I promise my next update to be ........hopefully more specific......more real..... but I am just continuing to pick up the bat.

One of my most revealing moments about me, to me was in a fight with some guy I was dating, it doesn't matter about what but I shouted at him with passion and misplaced strength,"You could NEVER say anything to me I haven't already said to myself!!!"

Get it, got it good.




8 comments:

  1. We don't know each other, but I've been reading your blog for a while and I've noticed something. You don't give yourself enough credit. Think about it - you're dealing with a baby (or infant or young-in or whatever is the correct term) and two teenagers, battling with workman's comp crap, and everything else in life (cus life doesn't pause when we want it to) and this is all happening with a BROKEN TAILBONE! News flash - that's BAD ASS! You are tough, stop thinking you're not. So no apologizing for a "boring blog" (and for the record it wasn't, the last line you shouted to a boyfriend was classic), and no getting down on yourself if you feel self pity. A broken bone entitles you to a little pity, even in over-achieving Los Angeles. Get (and feel) better. Use lots of pillows.

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  2. Please don't silence your voice... You give this 36yr old stay at home wife and mother of 2 young boys ages 3 & 18 months something to look forward to. What an awesome priviledge it is for me (a big fan) to read what you have to say and here what makes you tick. What is awesome about your blog is that your a real person, and it shows thru how you articulate yourself. I can relate to a few things you have to say and that is so cool... You give inspiration by your words and thoughts. Everyone has up and downs, we all have to pick ourselves up and stand on the 2 legs God gave us. (after your tailbone heals of course)... Don't let this get you down. Look at the glass 1/2 full. Anyway it may help to know you have alot of people waiting to hear what you have to say. Also as a side note.. I discovered your show rude awakening. Unfortunately I only have seen a couple of episodes... Why the hell won't this get released on DVD? If u have any ideas let me know.. baybblu1973@aol.com or facebook Chris Krenz... Anyway maybe one day.. Hope to read more from you soon~

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  3. Your blog is far from boring. I find your insight refreshing, unlike some blogs I've read. And I can relate to some of the things you mentioned, especially the panic attacks and being self critical. Music is a big part of my life and I find that it helps. And whatever it is that you have to share, there are people that will listen to you.

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  4. It's weird, since I don't know you, but reading this post made me angry with the person who injured you. I cherish my body and physical health, and hearing (or reading) that a person has suffered broken bones on the job because of a co-worker seems unacceptable to me. Your body is precious. You have every right to feel upset, but it's more important at this point to focus on healing. I am so sorry this happened to you; I only found this blog because I am watching Twin Peaks right now and was wondering, "what's Sherilyn up to" and found this site. Eat your fruits and veggies and get your rest. I am sorry about the panic attacks, I've had them and they are no picnic. Your body is just thrown out of whack and is probably freaking out, so much energy to heal, to cope with emotions, not to mention you can't move around and use your energy. I hope you feel better soon and am very sorry you have to experience this now, but I don't doubt from what I've read here so far that you'll use this experience for the good in the future.

    Best wishes for a speedy and happy recovery!

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  5. Hello, long time reader, first time commentor. I had a friend break her tailbone when I we were in high school, yuck not fun.

    Anyway, since there is no way to send a private message or anything (maybe there is, I don't know...just signed up for this thing) I wanted to tell you I'm a huge fan. I write a lot (Fan fiction and original) and have used your looks for the base of many of my original characters. You and Krista Allen.

    I fell in love with you in Boston Public, especially since I had been on the boards for a few years describing the type of girlfriend Guber should have and you matched every one of my specifications even down to the "porn star" thing. Irony slaps me in the fact every time I see you in one of the episodes.

    Sorry to sound like such a gushing fan, LoL, but I love your blog and will continue to read it as much as you update it. I'm a follower now. You are amazing at what you do and please don't stop! I have seen you in everything I can get my hands on and reading your blog makes you sound like a real, cool, down to earth person. If you think me worthy of a response...AngelWithWaxWings@yahoo.com is where you can reach me. Hope lady luck treats you well from here on out!

    ~Monica

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  6. I love you.

    You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. The universe has a way of working things out. Stay strong.

    -Steve S.

    sms4000@gmail.com

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