Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Thank God I am a dragon.

It seems it is all this separation that keeps us in pain. Jailed spirits in a cell of our own making. You, me...Him, her......THEY....... Countries, states, cities, school districts, families, houses, properties.....will it ever stop???  When the hell will we all get all this is but a dream.  A dream mirror. What you hate in someone else IS you. Also what you love. Although the hate seems easier to accept.

How can we love ourselves. isn't that self-centered??? What is wrong with being centered within yourself???????  E. Tolle.

Then there is the man, woman. Male, female thing. This seems one of the biggest. I was introduced in therapy at one point to the concept of " male or female prejudice."  I knew it was there but never heard it put into those words Which one do I have? . I began to try to see where mine sat. I realized that I have a little (or a lot) of both. I feel it is directly related to which parent one felt more fucked over by. And even that perception can be immensely distorted.  In my case, it is both so I find it hard to trust either one. But I work on it daily.

When a man sits there and gives the unoriginal, typical, bigoted "women are crazy" skin crawls. Or the "she must be on her period." Or in ANY rape case, even the military situations in the news right now..."she wanted it." It is a very scared and scarred man that does this. Born of the womb of your MOTHER. IT makes me sick. It says more of this baby-man than anything else. gooogoooogaaagaaa. I rage.

Then I take a breath and feel pity. I am consciously working on not being a victim to my anger anymore. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes, not so much. But at least I look at it and actively work on it.

A man that does not see the goodness of  a woman OR a woman who does not see the goodness of a man are just immature people who have not dealt with their own personal issues around their family and their life as a whole.  And all that judgement turns into them and condemns them to their cell. How can it be anything else. It is a kind of sick and tangled prejudice that is insidious. It informs all their relationships, including ones with their own blood, their children. It is a kind of undiagnosed cancer.

These thoughts even if they go unexpressed are so dangerous. Truth can be FELT. It need not even be uttered, tune in and you'll FEEL it. I sort walk through my life this way. I feel my way through. I trust what I feel so much more than what people say. With an exception, sometimes one can learn  much from the off the cuff comments. More so than the big, grandiose statements motivated by a self-serving agendas of one kind or another.

I actually feel sorry for men with all the bullshit that society lays on them. I used to buy a lot of it  as a young, single woman until I became a mother of 2 boys. Then I realized it was all untrue. It was just what they had been taught. My boys feel as much as ANY woman. We need to teach them that this is a gift. And allow them to have a safe place  to SHARE it.  If as mothers we can do that with our boys, they may have a chance.

They will always mirror what they see and learn from their parents.  What did you see????? How do they live in you???? If you don't see-feel it, you are blind.

"Mother......Father....... You always are WRESTLING inside of me....."  Tree of Life....... How this film slayed me. Reignited my belief in modern films. Some people say they don't understand it....... Just feel what you feel during it. It is NOT about an intellectual understanding. None of the best things are about intellectual understanding.  Its about opening the heart. And allowing....

"Oh, honey, you think you vulnerability is a weakness. You haven't yet realized it is your strength." My beloved teacher, the late Roy London. His pic still hangs above my desk. How I miss him. Yet, how he is alive inside of me.

To me the new renaissance man is like my son Myles, although the world threatens to fuck with him too.
These young men are wise, kind and compassionate. Unafraid to show their feelings. They share with their friends their feelings. And listen to what others say, want and need.

 Someone once tried to put women into a category to my beautiful son Myles. He came to me.... by the grace of God he often does and shared what he thought.

Women do this and that.... are craze etc.... female prejudice perspective...he was told but NOT sold.  He said- I don't believe that Mom. I don't think men and women are SO different. Its ridiculous. I have more close female friends than male. Those ideas are just not what I experience in the world so I reject them.  I don't listen to this person.

How proud am I. At least some of what I tried to show him stuck. Not only about women but also about WHO he is allowed to be in the world. What is his birth right. To be a more OPEN and unafraid man. One who does not view women as the enemy. To realize those thoughts are the enemy.

A dear friend of mine used to say the only way we can help initiate a change is to raise boys into a different kind of man. That has been my work. And I have been SO far from perfect. But some of my seeds did and continue to grow. And for that I thank God.

I am proud of both my sons. Myles Maximillion is a treasure of a 18 yr old. With a heart of pure gold. And Christian James is well on his way. Now I continue to chip away at my own sometimes distorted male and female prejudices. I know in my heart that the masses are asleep to a lot of this. But I prefer to swim against that tide of bigotry and utter sleep. I want a future unlike the past. So I work in the present to SEE ME CLEARLY> and share with you when the spirit moves.

I pray with your help and prayers that the spirits keeps moving me as it did to write this. It blasted out of me in about 10 to 15 minutes.

Love and Light........


  1. Glad to see you're posting.

    More glad to hear of your conversations with your son(s). Listening to our children and then discussing their view points is a great way to personal growth.

  2. I just discovered your blog while searching to see if you were on Twitter. I was watching one of your films the other day and decided to see what you were up to online.

    This is just absolutely gorgeous writing. Love it!

  3. So happy to read a new share from you. You always inspire me with your honest words. I also often think of Roy London. What an amazing human being he was! God bless you and your family.

  4. I was orphaned so I might have a little different perspective. On top of that I matured in the ’60’s and was quite influenced by the counterculture, feminism, spiritualism. I’m really ambivalent about sex, maybe a trademark of the era. I imagine a lot of my compatriots feel similarly. I suppose that the pendulum swung the other way during the ’80’s, it seems anyway. But then in England you had Margaret Thatcher. A lot of it is genetic I think. Women have to be more open as they need to be teachers of children. Men are more guarded, secretive. They have a kingdom to protect, so to speak. But maybe in the modern technical societies these distinctions are blurred somewhat. I think it’s obvious that societies try to maintain them via things like the wage gap.

    It’s astonishing to see the gender gap in many countries outside of the ‘West’. But isn’t it ironic that in two of them you had strong female leaders, Indira Gandhi in India and Benazir Bhutto in Pakistan? You’d think that in a progressive place like the US that we would have had a female leader by now. There’s a surprising streak of puritanism running through the country, considering. Maybe a reaction to the ’60’s, or a form of future shock.

    For instance, I’ve recently read that in India there are restrictions placed on menstruating women. I suppose that’s conditional to the knowledge thereof. Modern technical society isn’t that simple.

    I can’t imagine how conflicted Middle Eastern women are.

    You strike me as being very ‘liberated’. Your sons are lucky. Bet you wish you had a girl also. You could always adopt.

    I saw THE TREE OF LIFE . Really amazing film. You felt you were actually looking in on a real family. Maybe in some ways you were. Brad Pitt the patrician inventor. Jessica Chastain the earth mother. What can you say about Hunter McCracken? He captured little Jack and made him real.


  5. I think the fact that you are thinking of these very issues AND are able to articulate the "process" in your mind to resolve the best method forward for instilling a newer generation that is better and more compassionate than us through your boys is literally half the journey. Be sure and speak this magical and potent information out loud to them so that these young people can already start contributing to THIS very evolution. It's a mom "thang"! For smart moms* Just make them magic AND strong. Harry xoxo

  6. Here's hoping inspiration continues to find you fully and frequently, Sherilyn. This was an enlightening and thought-provoking read.

  7. Sherilyn, i'm happy to see your blog again, i've been thinking on you. I sent you a mail in christmas eve, hope mail reach to you. Anyway o send you a big kiss and a big hug. I will be happy hearing from you. You are
    Always on my mind,
    Your friend, Antonio. :)

  8. I've read lots of books about gender roles. They sort of entered my body not only through the brain but through my veins. We have to deconstructs such questions and I love who, as you, feel them and think about them in such a deep way.
    Thank you Sherilyn.
    A random Twin Peaks' fan from Italy.

  9. "It seems it is all this separation that keeps us in pain. Jailed spirits in a cell of our own making. You, me...Him, her......THEY....... Countries, states, cities, school districts, families, houses, properties.....will it ever stop??? When the hell will we all get all this is but a dream. A dream mirror. What you hate in someone else IS you. Also what you love. Although the hate seems easier to accept."

    beautiful, poetic, and truth. I didn't know this poetic sid of you. Thanks for share with us. greeting from Brazil.

  10. I just checked out your favorite books, and I recommend Paul Auster, Sherilyn. You're a very introspective woman, and his best works (New York Trilogy, Leviathan, The Music of Chance, Moon Palace) may resonate with you. I think he deals with the ambivalence and psychological components of existence like nobody else.

  11. What a great writer you are, Sherilyn.

  12. I really enjoyed reading this. It reminded me of something I always go back to within myself, feel for a bit, then let it slip back into the background again.

    I wonder if we would really get what we came here for if everything were plain to see and easy to handle all the time. I mean, why be here if we're not going to really sink out teeth in and BE HERE. But it's good to get an occasional breeze that flits the veil in just such a way so that you can catch a glimpse through the parallax of its sheerness for just a moment. Reading your words was that little breeze for me just now and I gotta say thanks for that!

  13. Always great hearing from you. You have a true blue fan in me. Looks like you are raising two fine sons. God's blessings are many! God bless you and your family. Take care and keep posting.
    God bless, Sandy

  14. I was curious how you came to find your writing voice? What made you want to begin writing? Was it to release and come to terms with things in your life or have you always had a creative spark for it? In any case, I just wanted to say what a uniquely-beautiful writer you are; each share is a vulnerable yet courageous exposition of your inner self...I find myself looking forward to each post as an original shining-diamond of creativity sent to cast light on the lostness, wonder, saddness and frailty of feelings we all share in this human family. Your inner beauty and strength is a raw power to behold...thanks for having the courage to be so honest and open. Positive thoughts to you Sherilyn...and may you walk in the grace of light.

    A new fan from Winnipeg,Manitoba,Canada

  15. (my text is too long that I must cut it in two parts -sorry-...)

    First part :

    Pretty bird,

    Love & Hate, cells... For me, there are more than you can write here.

    You wrote that there is so many cells like : "Countries, states, cities, school districts, families, houses, properties....." but that these cells are a dream and that we must awake of this dream. I agree with you, more there is cells the less there is "freedom".

    But, there is worst than that...
    Love & Hate, we can love and hate a situation but we can't never love or/and hate completely a person... To love someone is something else... and in this, of course, there is hate, but not in an opposite manner... Our world, our words, how many opposite things...? which are, for me, not as opposite as that ...

    I wrote something on my Facebook that nobody noticed, or may be that my english is far too be good... hehe, it's that :

    "I think that what we call 'Love' is in fact when someone discovers a part of you which is in the shadow of yourself. This person makes you feel this part of the shadow of yourself to you in a different way that the others can do it. And it can be surprising and confusing, a mix of the both, a dream place. And then comes a moment lost in time... where your two parts of shadow will make one... What is hard with 'Love'? It is that when these parts of shadows are revealed and are now into "light", this shadow (or these shadows) has become now a part of you and this part shines, you are now aware about a part of you that you did not know possible to be. And so... what is hard with 'Love'? Is that, now, the two lovers must go deeper and deeper for find their "lights" / or love ?/ into their own shadows, this can hurt a lot, sometimes a lot of things can come out...

    Let the things go...

    A question....
    Why some people are in connection with this 'inside' of you? Why not all the people do not see who you are? May be that, I don't really know..., that there is a vision of the world made by our intuitions and our senses...

    oh..., and there is something which is more hard into this "thing", it is to not liar at your own shadow.
    Take care of your heart.
    Sometimes it's also good to be in the dark, just sometimes...
    And, remember that your shadow, even into the light, remains to be your shadow."

    This is just a reflexion ... a idea ... a thought...

  16. Second part :
    For the "Tree of life", I agree and disagree at the same time. Of course that people can understand it without be into an intellectual thing... but at the same time I disagree... I hope that you have may be noticed something... there is 5 parts in this movie (that I really really loved!) : "the loss", "the universe", "the family", "the acceptation of these three parts" and "the forgiveness".... and in these 5 parts there is a time which is in agreement with each parts. Cells into cells into cells into cells into cells... The last part is where the material aspect is NOT present, this is a inner time, a psychic time, the one that brings us all together, where we all come together after realizing AND understand some "things" ... For me this is the most interesting part because it misses one part after this part, which is MAY BE this kind of "fire"/'hope" that we saw at the beginning and at the end, a "physical object thinking at love"... Unified and not in cells...

    And for me, but it's may be because I don't have yet a child (or that I will never have one...), the most important thing in this movie is that the father told to his son that he love him -in a rather cold and distant way/manner, but his son understand him and his father too...-, and his son has been delivered of a burden issued. He didn't tell that he loved his other son, he has comnis a mistake? I think so ... why, us, the men we must show more strength ?

    I would like to ask you something... Fear is "included" in these cells (family, school, propriety, etc.) that we talk about. You "often" say to me that fear is a "False Evidence Appearing Real"... Why when something scared the others I feel less fear? Why I can feel the fears of the others? I will take a concrete example :

    One day my father has put fired, not on purpose of course, at a prairie dried by summer. The fire spread so rapidly that it has burned the trees surrounding the prairie.
    Why was I the only one, apart from the firefighters who are accustomed to this kind of situation, asked at my father if he felt good when I saw in those eyes the fear, a horrible fear? And especially, why I didn't feel any fear? I was surprised to see this fire with flames of 7-8 meters of high (or more in some places) but that was all ... I even went to a place where nobody could get out alive, all was burning in there and I was surrounded by these flames. (my mother fainted, and neighbors took care of her.)
    Don't you think that fear can be a conjunction between these cells?
    It's interesting to think that guilt is a censorship of our own freedoms for not do what we are able to really do... And in that the leaderships (politicians, religious -not all... -) are playing with these cells and by this way on our freedoms and our fears.

    I'm sorry for my English and for this long text which can be very annoying....
    and yet, I didn't have write all the things that I can and that and I would like... hehe (stupid english that I had...!)

    I fly away,