Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Blah, blah, blah

It is still dark outside. I have been awake since 4am. I reworked some of my Prince blog. I will need to do that more often, there were a lot of dumb mistakes. Sorry. I am worried, I am a worrier. I know this is not a real word but I don't care. Its all so redunkulous. Capice, redunkulous? My absolute favorite new word. This is a kind of meaningless rant, you may anat to move on to a different blog.... Your choice, but don't say that I didn't warn you.

I do not know what the next days, months, years of my life hold. I know that I never really knew anyway, it just felt more comfortable thinking I did. I don't know that I want to act again after all these years of doing it. I certainly will only do it on my terms. In other words, I will only commit if I really love the role and the people involved. Feel an honest level of commitment and integrity in the project. It seems reasonable but trust me that in Hollywood, it is rare.

I want to write in a professional capacity but have no idea if it is possible. Or what form that might take. I always thought that my ideal man-partner would be a writer. That is me, always looking outside for the answers that can only be found inside. Now I think that the writer-partner I have been looking for is me.

After running from me for so many years this is a somewhat startling realization. Am I really all I have been seeking all this time. Like the proverbial running on a hamster wheel? It seems to simple. And quite anti climatic. I guess I should've made that right turn at Albuquerque.

I thought of writing a tell all book. To finance then directing a few documentary ideas that have been close to my heart. Or maybe a tell some. Some people would be mad or hurt, I am certain. It is not what would stop me though. I say my truth, I can't help myself. I frankly have no idea what it is that stops me right now.

Maybe that I am a full time mother right now of a 15 and a 2 year old. That I am taking care of them and juggling a confusing relationship. Sometimes love is not enough. Sad but true. I have no idea whatsoever if this relationship will work out. I am tired of working. It seems I work at everything. I wait for the chapter of my life when things get easier, lighter, with less work. It never comes.


  1. well, i'm a writer or i'd like to think i am. i have written what seems like a million journals filled with rants, poems, short stories, and random thoughts.
    although i am lacking the male aspect of what you once thought/or think your ideal partner would be i could always be your platonic partner in crime!

  2. Hey Sherilyn,
    as usual, everything you write is so interesting!

    something that i love about you is your versatility as an actress. This is so rare in Hollywood to find someone who has focused on widening her range of roles and has chosen to portray so many different roles. You can play everything!
    So, I just hope that we will soon have the chance to see you working on many different projects.
    And, you know, I've been hoping to see you writing and directing for such a long time! Like your fellow actors Adrian Pasdar with "Cement" or Bruce Davison with "Off Season", it will be an interesting project ^^
    So, bon courage and keep going!! you have many people behind you who love your work!


  3. Something tells me you are a NIN (Nine Inch Nails) fan
    If not?
    You should be.
    Question Du Jour:
    What am I here for/My purpose beyond the daily routines?

    We are here for each other and nothing else.

    That will be my answer until I now better

    What would a few of your "Pet projects" be?

  4. I understand where you are coming from. And you're right. Sometimes one's ideals get in the way to the point of causing that person to always want to search for more. It's nothing bad, some people are just way more curious about their options and current situations.

    I think I know something that might be of interest to you. Go Google 'Meyers Briggs test' then look up '16 personality types'. I find it interesting because the answer I got showed me how I view myself and everything around me. You may even learn something new about yourself..including what makes others tick.

    And that's cool that you are interested in writing. I find that writing helps me a lot, well I like being creative in general. So you should go for it and see where you get.

  5. First of all, I do not know if I write very well in English (many persons said to me that I had written and spoken surrealist English - quiet funny :) )

    I wrote two books which I have never wanted to do publish.
    But, when we put ourselves in paper often either we have the end of the story and the beginning is missing, or the end is missing and we have the beginning.
    What is rather annoying.
    But when we have both, it is necessary to throw itself into the space of the ideas which we can have, it is very fascinating.
    While remaining faithful at the beginning and at the end as idea.

    When we write we are as ships taken in streams, it can be sad, cheerful, hard, rough, violent, joyful but we have to keep heading towards the end of the ocean where we are.

    Finally, it is what I think of 'how" to write a book.

    I do not know what you can tell in your book but it looks only at your ideas and at your loyalty to these :)

  6. You have lived such a rich life (as an ├╝ber glamor icon & as a mother/artist in Hollywood), a memoir would be a delicious read! Writing is a solitary discipline that can often be more difficult than going to the gym (at least for me it is :)... thanks for your inspiration, Sherilyn, both in this blog & on Twitter - I'm a full-time mom to a 16-month old & trying to juggle/balance a return to my creative identity. As "redunkulous" (love it!) & impossible as that feels at times, it's so juicy commiting to a little bit everyday: writing a funny bit of email or reading 140-characters of something enlightening or elucidating. Creative people worry, think a lot, focus on minutiae, plan everything out, etc... We're just living our process & in the flow of things, which is awesome.

  7. Your posts are fantastic. You don't need to write a "tell all," you need to write a memoir from the heart: like your posts. You have a fascinating career and family, and a lot you could offer in the memoir world. A "tell all" would be giving into the Hollywood machine; a memoir would be another contribution to art and learning. You're an artist. Keep up the great work and inspiration.

  8. Relationships... don't have to be hard or difficult. It took me many years to discover that. I wish you luck in your journey.

  9. In my very humble opinion, and having read only a fraction of your blog since I stumbled upon it yesterday (from twitter, I truly believe there is that "thing" in your blog that makes me want to read more... Something about the way you transfer emotions into words I think. Anyhow, you should cultivate that. I, for one, would be happy to read a book of yours !
    In the meantime, I will stick to your blog posts and your tweets...

  10. Have you tried writing anything other than personal stories?

    Children's books, or short stories, one act plays?

    It would be interesting, to you, to see where your characters go, and how you interject yourself, and those you've known in your life, into your characters.

    I find writing fiction to be thereputic, and quite revealing.

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  13. Dear Sherilyn,
    There is so much I want to say in reply to this column. I think you're just having a poop day where everything is all pooped up (that's not a word either, but my friends and I use it). However, just a few reminders. First of all, if writing is your passion why don't you just continue writing without thinking about it too much. Just make a start and let your thoughts and ideas guide you. Dont' start with the intention to write this fabulous book. Just write like you write your columns. Your columns are so witty, fun, recognisable, honest, and it touches a chord with people, including myself.

    The fact you can be so honest and not pretentious makes your columns such a pleasure to read. So if this is the way you write your columns imagine how your future book will be like. It's very easy to get paralysed by our me I KNOW!! However, take a moment to look at all the things you've achieved...look at all those moments in the past where you were doubting yourself and look at where you are now!!!

    You've come a long've discovered your passion for writing....and you have the option to do more movies/series/documentaries. Don't be scared to obviously can write!

    You're Aquarius right? So naturally you have a tendency to worry...being a "worrier" can be exhausting, annoying and time consuming, but it can also be a good thing. How? Well, if you wouldn't worry, then you might not come up with all these thoughts and ideas for columns, stories or other ways to express yourself. So use it to your advantage...and it's ok to have a poopy day. We all do.

    You've always thought your perfect partner would be a writer...who can be a better partner than YOU?! your "perfect partner" is that side of you that writes. Sometimes we look for certain qualities in others that we already possess ourselves. It's always easy to see the good things in others, but every now and then we need to see the good things about ourselves.

    Is a tell all book really the kind of book you want to write? If so, go for it. If not, then just write about what you really want.

    As for is not always enough, you're right...BUT is it a bump in the road or is it a structural problem...a re-occuring issue? if it's just a bump...then there must be so many good things about the relationship that outweighs the bumps....if it's a re-occuring structural issue, then both parties need to do what they need to do whatever that is.

    It's hard, but if the basis is right, genuine and honest...then you can work things out...if the basis/foundation is not right, then you can't really build on that, can you?

    Whatever the case may be, just remember there is no perfect relationship whatever perfect means, but you do deserve a relationship that is healthy, loving and caring and equally balanced.

    Big hug,


  14. What a sad day for me to read we might not see u again acting. that would be such a waste as u are a true unique multi talent. u are able to play anything i am convinced, u can sing, u can write, direct, what can't u do??? please say it isn't so many of us want to see act again. at least we have your very interesting blogs to look forward to. keep it up. would love to read your tell all...

  15. How wonderful to find this place! And I will return! best wishes from Sweden.

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  17. I really related to something you wrote above, about looking for your most desired ambitions/dreams through a partner. I think that's normal--it's a part of growing into and towards a loved and cherished aspect of the self. Perhaps your writer energy is male/masculine, a need to take action and be direct. It might be a way of combining your insight and truth with action, and one or the other might be masculine/feminine, but it sounds like a need to unite two aspects of yourself.

    I like the way you write, and I think I saw like one interview with you in it and I felt strongly you were someone who was honest, but not in a thoughtless or trampling way. It can be vulnerable being the one stating the obvious to the oblivious others around, but it's also rewarding--the people who love you, do so for all the right reasons. Not for some ridiculous mask.

    One more thought...about the tell-all. No doubt your writing is super juicy and you have awesome stories to share and tell. One thing to consider might be that it could turn out a lot like a nude pictorial sort of thing--some unintentional and odd consequences. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, but that is the nature of telling the have to be prepared for a lot of weirdness from others. Good and bad. LOL.

    I really hope everything works out for the best in your love relationship. Hang in there.