Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Happy Birthday to me...

I want to share many things and am not sure where to begin. It has been an eventful couple of days to say the least. I guess instead of going into my brain and trying to figure it all out and make it all polished, I will just address each piece as it occurred. This is a sort of diary, ranting entry.

I turned 45 on Feb 1st. It is the first time I allowed there to be many celebrations around it. It was so wonderful as the polarity of life is. It ranged from experiencing feelings of intense hate from a very sad and sick individual who projected much of their unexamined anger onto me in an attempted character assignation. To the polar opposite of being exulted to a queen. Surrounded by many beloved women in my life [they actually gave me a crown albeit an Ariel one [The little mermaid].... and a beautiful Queen plaque from my king, Dylan. One of his many presents for me.

There were actually SO many absolutely beautiful expressions of love for me from my friends. It was a little overwhelming... Gorgeous necklaces, flowers, a framed picture of a family dear to me, a gorgeous silk blouse, an amazing jewelry necklace & earring set from my new found sis [this is a whole other blog], a cozy out of the bath robe, a flapper-like purse black w/ fringe. Even my beautiful 16 year old got me a darling Marilyn Monroe looking top. There were more, but I cannot remember as I write, forgive me sisters....

My man was the most generous. A heart felt statue for my altar of a man, woman and baby. It made me cry. Inspiring stones with meaningful words. My mentioned QUEEN plaque. And the coveted, special anniversary edition, black leather Kooba purse......wow....... I am now complete.....hehehe

Of course the real reason I am so complete is that the love that poured through those close to me was like nothing I have ever felt. I actually allowed myself to receive it for a change. And its like GOD sent these people to all be able to come in and love and support after the siege of darkness. In retrospect it all makes perfect sense now. And I am reminded again of what is important. Love.....

Life is filled with light and dark. Hot and cold. Good and bad. And many like to try to smash what they feel threatened by. But when one has faith in themselves and most importantly in GOD they cannot be hurt. If we just go with whatever life brings us, it is so much more peaceful than deciding how it should look and suffering because it does not. I work on this tenaciously. I just keep walking toward light.....that is my mantra.

It is so rare in my life that things have looked the way I wanted them to. They always look different. I grow from all my experiences, especially the bad ones. So I keep embracing what comes. I do not turn a blind eye, I walk into stuff. Ce moi" !!!! Because if I don't, I know it will not just go away. Too much being swept under the rug creates an amusement park of roller coaster like hills to have to navigate over. I love rides but not that kind.

So we ran the gamut of emotions. And thank GOD the poison, try as it may did not seep in. There is a piece of me that just watched with great pity. Seeing the obvious pain and self hate that had not a damn thing to do with me. SO some prayers were sent out. And I fly away like a bird as I have done so many times in my life.


After living 45 years on the planet, it makes for a lot of life experience. And I am no saint. But I am always able to see my 50 percent and have accountability for it. I am not responsible for the rest. "To err is human, to forgive....divine." Shakespeare. I am adept at both.

"I am may be as bad as the worst, but thank GOD I am as good as the best." W. Whitman.

It sums up the truth of my existence. With much continued work I now see, love and accept myself. Keep refining and not beating myself up for past mistakes. We all have them. Its called being human. But I have never and would never threaten anyone. And for this I see my heart shine through.

So I wonder what this 45th year will bring... I send love to all of you who read and support me.
More to come......

.




20 comments:

  1. What a Beautiful post--so glad
    you had a lovely birthday!

    Happy 45th, Sherilyn!

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  2. Happy birthday Sherilyn have a fantastic year, best wishes from the emerald isle x

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  3. sounds like you had a wonderful birthday! :)

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  4. I hope your new year continues on as wonderfully as your birthday started. Enjoy 45!

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  5. Happy Birthday Sherilyn! Your beauty shines! Love and strength to you. Thank you for sharing with us.

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  6. Glad you had a nice B-day. Glad you CAN have a nice b-day.

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  7. Happy, happy Birthday!!! late, but filled with 2 happys none-the-less...

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  8. Thank you so much for sharing your special day with us. How wonderful to get so many goodies! You are very blessed! Wishing you the best for more blessed years to come! :)

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  9. Birthday blessings to you, Sherilyn! Wishing you laughter and love.

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  10. This reminds me of a time, back in my seventh year, when on my birthday I was also exalted to the status of royalty -- a king, in fact. A burger king. I have the cardboard crown to prove it.

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  11. I finally found my new resolution for this new year.
    I followed the evolution of your blog and I would continue to follow it.
    I do not know if it is in direct relation with your blog that my new resolution arrived, or then it is a mixture of interactions between certain persons AND your blog.

    But, I decided to not let any more go my sadness into rage.
    I want that this rage, which is at the base a profound sadness, leaves place at a peace and expresses itself by what it is really : my sadness - my melancholic due to a situation.
    ( I would not go farther into my explanations for this situation, it looks only me and at certain persons)
    I already know that this new resolution will not be easy to do and to concretize...

    I want to thank you for your words, I really think that somewhere we must be joined/connected by "something" that I would not know how to explain, and of course I wish you a very beautiful 45th year of your existence !

    Bises,
    Damien.


    P.S: THANK YOU again.
    and like usual, I'm sorry for my english...

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  12. Sherilyn:

    Happy belated Birthday.

    Thanks again for sharing.
    KRH

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  13. Happy Birthday gorgeous Sherilyn!It is beautiful to hear that your family and real friends filled your day with love and happiness.We should always allow celebrations around us on that special day.When I turned 30, two years ago, I was like,that's it from now on no more celebrations for my birthday.So I tried to keep my bday quiet for the last 2 years.You made me realize that bdays are a good occasion to catch up with friends and relatives and are precious moments to show our love.
    Love,
    Federica

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  14. Your writing is getting better.

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  15. I wish you all the best! I always loved your work since I saw Twin Peaks for the first time when I was 15!

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  16. Happy Belated Birthday, Sherilyn! May this new year be full of love and happiness well deserved.

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  17. Belated Happy Birthday, Sherilyn! Peace and love X

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  18. Hey Sherilyn, this is Jeff Arbaugh, I also just turned 45 in February. You were only a few lockers down at G.P. South. I was on the net and came across "Suzi Quatro", then your name, too crazy! Hope all is well.

    Jeff

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  19. ghghfcvghfvfcfjvfg fffgfftgvgvgffvfgffggv miss fenn, i'm really superman utftftftfft i peeping tom dove into the ocean and retrieved the necklace heart of the ocean tyfttyfbtutttbbtfbbtvtbtbtbb i wear it all the time tybtbtbyubuynuinkuynnnitnyuytyunb happy moms day ytftyugyygyuggygg no i wouldn't give it to you, even if you asked gyuguygyggyygyyi

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  20. "When a woman 45, she again berry" - Russian folk saying .. translation was not rhyme, but the meaning, I think, passed... ))

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